Sunday, April 15, 2012

Dear Tiff

Your phone number is still in my phonebook, which means it's been transferred through at least five different cell phones since you passed away. It's hard to believe it's been almost eight years. My kids hardly even remember you anymore. I'll make sure we watch your funeral video again sometime soon.

Every month I still get the Travelzoo email you signed me up for long ago. I never even read it. Once in a great while, I'll skim it. But I can't bring myself to unsubscribe, because it's kind of like getting a once a month reminder that my little sis still loves me. On the flip side, I still send dad a few bucks a month to put some flowers on your headstone. I hope you see them there.

I still have a picture of you on my desk and a card you sent me about a year before you left. I particularly cherish the line: "I've appreciated all your advice. You're a great big brother." You and I were kindred spirits, Tiff. I love you. I miss you. I know you are in a beautiful place, and I look forward to seeing you again. I wish you were here to hug Lexi and Sophi. They would have loved you so much. Your exuberance for life would have brought out the squeals and laughter they love to share. I wish you could know Graci and Xander and they could know you. Graci would look up to you so much. I'm sorry you never got a chance to meet Elli and to hear her unique expressions of joy. Taylor and Parker still remember you, although it's more from pictures and videos at this point. They've always remembered that they were your "tiger & munchkin." Jesi met you just a couple of times, obviously too young to form any lasting memories. But I'm so glad we have the pictures of you holding her.

Every once in awhile I re-read your rather prescient "If tomorrow never comes" email. I'm so grateful you had a chance to share those thoughts with us before you left. And I believe you're still close by. I think you know a lot about our family. And I think you are as happy as anyone about the road we have chosen. I like to think that you had a chance to meet Elli, Lexi, Xander and Sophi before their spirits came down to this earth. I like to think that you hugged them, and maybe even told them that I was a "great big brother." Hopefully you told them that if they could just be patient with me, I might turn out as an OK dad, too.

You know what got me thinking about you today? The nose-hair clipper you gave me as a present years ago! I miss the candor of our relationship. Not every sister would just give that to her older brother and say, "Here. 'Cuz you need it!" Thanks, Tiff. And you were right:)

I miss you, little sister.


Here's a story in the BYU newspaper about Tiffany.