Thursday, October 4, 2012

Renamed "Grateful"

First of all, for anyone who happens to be reading this that has contributed to Puzzle Them Home, I don't think there are words to express our gratitude.  Every donation is like magic to us-- I really can't tell you how it makes us feel.  The words "thank you" are not enough, but that's all I can say!  So, THANK YOU.

Now...tonight has us at Primary Children's-- again.  I really thought we were out of the woods with Xander's leg complications, but I guess it isn't so.  X had a fever Monday morning and complained of a sore throat.  I thought it was probably strep and meant to get him in to the doctor, but I ended up with a migraine that landed me in bed for most of the day and night.  Tuesday morning he still had a low fever, so I called the doctor, but he wasn't in that day.  I set up an appointment for Wednesday, but ended up canceling because he woke up feeling great that morning.  I sent him to school and even to a party that night.  Nothing seemed amiss until he woke up sobbing that his foot hurt at four in the morning.  Jeremy gave him some ibuprofen and sent him back to bed.  Later this morning as we were getting kids ready for school, I tried to wake him up, but he wouldn't get out of bed.  I felt his forehead and he was super hot, so I took his temp-- 104 degrees.  Ugh!  I took him to the doctor a little while later and they swabbed him for strep.  It was positive, which normally would have been an easy fix, but with him complaining that his foot/leg hurt, they were worried about infection.  Our doctor called X's surgeon, who instructed us to get him right up to the E.R.

For a million different reasons (the biggest of which was concern for Xander, but also for so many other reasons) this was harder than normal for me to digest.  We're obviously used to being here a lot, but this time it just really threw me off emotionally.  Sigh.

By the time we got to the E.R., the redness on his foot had spread to a big area of his leg.  His temp was still 104, and he was acting very, very sick.  They did a lot of blood work in the E.R and most of the results are back.  Everything is elevated, pointing to a pretty serious infection.  They are still trying to ascertain whether there are two separate infections going on or just one, and whether it has spread to his bloodstream.  Hopefully by tomorrow we will have a clearer picture of what is going on   and how long he'll be here.    

He did seem much better this evening and even ordered some food, but after two bites he was done.  I finally was able to sneak out and grab something for myself-- I was famished!  Right now he is watching t.v. and is semi-content.  Here's hoping for an uneventful night!  (Well, as uneventful as it can be when there are nurses and techs checking on him every couple of hours!)  I'm trying to think of things I am grateful for right now.  There are plenty, to be sure.  I don't know why I'm having such a hard time focusing on them!  Maybe if I actually write them out...

I am thankful for:  such a fabulous hospital, a husband who is capable of holding down the fort at home, a sister to visit with on the phone and cheer me up, the rave reviews that Jeremy said he heard about our kids at parent teacher conferences this afternoon, our laundry fairies, who apparently doubled as our dinner fairies tonight when they showed up with KFC, the incredible, wonderful, amazing, selfless people who have put Puzzle Them Home together for us and for all who have helped in any way, for mint M&M's, for this IPad so that I would have something to occupy me
here, for all of the rave reviews I read about Romney's debate performance last night, for a night without cooking or cleaning up dinner, for a messy house that is full of love, for this cute little guy lying next to me and a chance to have some one-on-one time with him-- honestly, I could go on all night... I'm not just saying that!  

And after reading Jer's last post, for my eyes and arms and mind.  There is nothing like having kids like ours to help us keep our trials in perspective.
Ok, I feel so much better already!!

"...Count your blessings, name them one by one.  Count your many blessings-- see what God has done!"



5:30 AM.  I groggily answer the alarm clock and stumble out of the bedroom to wake Taylor and Parker.  We are going to practice basketball at the rec center.  I try to be as quiet as possible so Christi can sleep for another hour.  As I open the door, Lexi doesn't notice me.  She is as quiet as a mouse.  She is slowly walking from the bathroom back to her bedroom.  Fascinated, I observe.  Her steps are small, more shuffles than steps.  I am sure this is because she never knows what toys, clothes or other obstacles she will encounter as she makes her way back to bed.  Tonight the floor is relatively clean.  She only bumps into one empty basket and patiently moves sideways to get around it, then continues her journey.  She shuffles over to the ladder up to the top bunk.  (She prefers the top, by the way.)  She slowly ascends, stopping on each rung for several seconds.  She know just when to bend at the waist so she doesn't hit her head on the ceiling.  She crawls onto her pillow and pulls up the covers around her, still not knowing I'm there.  I go over to her bed, and whisper our bedtime tuck-in routine in her ear:  "Are you my little Lexicon?"  "I'm you're little Lexicon."  "I love you."  "I love you."  "Good night."  "Good night."  A faint, tired smile crosses her lips as I kiss her good night.  Oh Lexi, why was I struck so profoundly this particular time with how dark your world is?  Was it because it was still dark outside?  Was it because of the stillness of the night?  I am so glad that even though you cannot see, your vision is extraordinary.  That your engaging smile lights up the lives of those who meet you.  I know of no one else who can make friends as quickly and unconditionally as you.  You bring a little piece of heaven with you wherever you go.

I head downstairs to wake the boys.  Elli's room is just across the hall from theirs, and I can hear that she is already up.  We have been trying to potty train her, so I go in to help her use the bathroom.  She is on the bed, completely under the blankets, making unintelligible noises.  Recently, we have been putting Elli in thick training panties (similar to cloth diapers).  This is mostly to help Elli break her habit of eating her pull ups.  Elli will rip up her pull up from the outside.  She goes through the outer layer and then a thick cotton-like layer.  Finally she hits the tiny grains of absorbent material designed to soak up fluids.  She eats all of these layers, which, not surprisingly, can give her an upset stomach.  So for the past few weeks we had been using these cloth-diaper-like underpants to prevent her from ingesting this gunk.  Tired of cleaning out the underpants, and hoping her eating habit had been broken, Christi put her to bed in a pull up.  The habit was not broken.  Chunks of pull up were everywhere, including Elli's mouth.  I took her to the bathroom, cleaned her up, and tucked her back in her bed.  "Are you my little Lady Bug?"  No response.  "I love you."  "I-love-oo-good-night!"  Sometimes that response will be accompanied by a rather aggressive hug and kiss, but not this morning.  Another little girl in a dark world.  So much darker than Lexi's.  Powerless to help her, the best I can do is protect her from herself.  How would I endure this if I did not have the hope of His resurrection and atonement?  Without an understanding of life after death, this would be all she could hope for.  But with a testimony that the resurrection will come, that someday she will have a perfect body and a perfect mind, there is hope.  There is a beautiful future.  One bright with glory and joy.

Taylor, Parker and I head off into the dark night toward the rec center.  I am grateful for our arms, our legs and our eyes that we will use as we work to help the boys get better at putting a ball through a hoop.