Xander Found Photo Booth:)

Teenagers

I love our teenagers!  It seems that you often hear about how difficult teenagers can be:  how they become rebellious and deal with hormones and want to pick a fight with their parents over just about everything.  So as my children started to move from single digits to double, I started to get a bit nervous.  My fears were unfounded.  I have so much fun with my teenage kids!  And not just them--their friends are great, too.  On Saturday, Taylor worked on his Eagle project and we had several teenage boys around our kitchen table.  They are brailling games for kids who are blind.  They identify the important words that are printed on game cards, numbers for dice, rubix cube sides, etc. then braille those onto sticky paper and attach the sticky paper to the correct place in the games.  It is a great project that will be very beneficial to visually impaired children and their families.  It was great to see these young men working together to serve others.  (It was particularly fun to see how amazed the other boys were when they watched Conner use the brailler.  He's so fast!!!)

All five of our teenagers (and if you think five is a lot, wait for March of 2018, when we will have NINE!) have wonderful friends.  It's fun to have them over at our house.  It's fun to see our kids growing up and enjoying so many teenage activities:  dances, movies with friends, basketball on the sport court until late, just hanging out, giggling girls up in the loft.  This is a good time of life for Christi and me.  

Now, they're not perfect, and it's not perfectly easy being a parent to teens.  They are definitely wanting (and needing) more and more freedom to make their own choices.  They sometimes push back when they disagree with our policies or choices for them.  But it is fun to see them growing in their ability to analyze the pros and cons of different situations and then make informed decisions.  Sometimes they make great decisions.  Sometimes they provide themselves their own learning opportunities.  But it is fun to watch them grow and prepare to become adults.

It's also kind of terrifying.  Graci graduates from high school next year. initiating a mass exodus from our home.  Eight kids will graduate in eight years.  Wow!  So we're trying to take things a day at a time.  We try to savor as many of the small moments as possible.  All too soon they will be gone and our home will only be full for family reunions.  But for now, it's very full, and very fun!

Apples to Apples has a LOT of cards!!!

Sophi figured she could share the snacks:)

Travelogue - Day 5

It seems to be our lot in life to have return trips from China that are filled with drama.  Out of seven times I've traveled there, at least five of them have included an extra night in either China or an airport city in North America.  Although we were spared an extra night on this trip, the volcano explosion in Alaska did end up cancelling our scheduled flight and has us arriving in Salt Lake eleven hours later than planned.  Such is life:(  So as I type this just after departure from Beijing to Detroit, Conner is sound asleep in the seat next to me, and I am utterly exhausted.

This is my favorite treat in China.  It is Minute Maid Grape Juice with pulp, and it is AWESOME!  Don't know why they don't sell it in the US.

Our meal on the flight from Wuhan to Beijing.  Enclosed in this box of "Warmth, Refreshing, Harmonious, Nourishing" was.........one roll.

This trip has been a great bonding experience for Conner and me.  We have shared lots of jokes, stories, frustrations with long flights and jet lag, funny moments and hugs.  He is such a good boy.  Here's an anecdote I enjoyed:  One night before bed we were talking about plans for the next morning.  We had been fed a lot of food that day, so I asked, "Do you want to eat breakfast tomorrow before we go to the school?"  He responded, "What?  Are you crazy?  Of course I eat breakfast.  I don't want die!"  I asked, "Why not?"  He replied, "because there are so many cute girls waiting!"  You're right, Conner.  It would be a shame to leave the world early and let them down!!!

Another great thing about the trip has been the number of times Conner has been so sweet and complimentary about Christianne and all she does for him and our family.  He has repeatedly told his friends and loved ones what a great mom she is.  How well she takes care of all of her kids.  How she works so hard and cooks and cleans.  How much she has helped him as he has struggled to adjust to life in America.  He is unquestionably correct.  Sweet Christianne is an angel on earth.  I am so lucky to have her as my wife and our children are tremendously blessed to have her as a mother.  Thank you, sweetheart, for everything!

-Jer

Travelogue - Day 4

We weren't sure exactly what to expect on this third and last day in China.  We knew we were going to visit Conner's school, but we didn't know how long we would stay or exactly what they had planned.  Once again it turned out to be a perfect day!  I really feel like Heavenly Father was watching over Conner for this trip.  We're not sure when he'll get back to China again, and the tender mercies abounded during this opportunity.

We got into a taxi in the hotel and Conner gave the driver our destination.  As we drove there, he asked me several times, "do you see a school?"  At first I thought he was just anxious to get there, but then I realized he was asking because he had told the driver the general area to go to, but did not know the exact address.  We meandered about for a bit, the driver rolling the window down a few times and asking random people for directions.  Finally, we arrived.

As we were cleared by security and walked in, I came to a sudden realization.  This was a school for the blind!  I should have known this, but somehow this information had eluded me.  I had envisioned Conner's school like the one he attends in America.  A school for typical kids with support services for those with disabilities.  Somehow, realizing that we would be with a group of kids who were all visually impaired was very moving for me.  When we arrived, all 300 or so kids in the school (ages 6 to 21) were in the outdoor soccer field listening to morning announcements and then doing some calisthenics.  As Conner and I walked into this area, he was greeted by several teachers who were obviously happy to see him.  As the teachers called him by name, kids in the back row of the calisthenics heard them say, "Jia Xia!" (Conner's chinese name) and a ripple went through several rows of students:  "Jia Xia!  Jia Xia!"  As the calisthenics came to an  end, Conner was surrounded by kids who were eager and excited to see him.  

After morning exercises, we made our way up to the classroom his class was in.  In China, kids are kept in the same classes year after year.  The same students will be together from 1st grade all the way through high school, so this group will become extremely close knit.  Conner was in this school for six years with the same kids, so they all knew him very well.  He has also kept in contact with them through qq and WeChat, so they all knew he was coming and were excited to have him there.  Once we got to the classroom, one of the teachers pulled Conner and me to the front and asked us to talk to the class about America.  Fortunately, Conner is not shy.  He was able to talk (with a few suggestions from me) for over an hour.  The kids loved it.  Periodically they would all burst out in laughter.  I, of course, had very little idea what he was saying and why they were humored by it.  I understood a tiny bit, and sometimes Conner would translate something for me, but for the most part I just stood up there trying to look as little like a dumb foreigner as possible.  One thing he did translate for me:  one of the boys asked, "Why does it take you so long to text the boys back but you text the girls back so fast?"   Conner is never discreet about his love for the girls!

After our presentation, the teacher asked Conner if he would like to spend the day with the class.  He was so happy!  We went to lunch (and eventually dinner) with them in the cafeteria.  They had an afternoon break where they were able to just hang out.  They went to PE class outside where they did more calisthenics, threw balls, jumped rope and did pull-ups and push-ups.  It was a poignant experience for me to observe him with this wonderful group of friends all day.  No wonder he struggled so much when he came to America.  In addition to leaving behind his culture, country and language, he left behind a tremendous group of friends.  Friends that were supportive, kind and loving towards each other.  The few kids that had some vision were so quick to help those without.  They laughed and joked with each other.  This is a boarding school, so they were really more like siblings than friends.  I was overwhelmed with what a great group they are.

Some in the adoption community are of the opinion that once a child is adopted to America, all communication with their home country should end.  Any previous relationships must be over since now they have a family here.  For the life of me I cannot see the benefit to this point of view.  I can't tell you how grateful I am that Christi has been so encouraging of our older kids in keeping in touch with their friends and loved ones in China.  It was a truly moving experience to see the reunion of these kids who love each other so much.

During the day I also had the opportunity to observe some of the younger kids as well. This school really felt like a little slice of heaven on earth.  The kids were so kind to each other.  They helped each other when they could.  It was so sweet to watch them find their way by feel between classes, up and down stairs, to the cafeteria and the outdoor sports area.  The teachers were also very special.  It felt like a very loving, safe and warm environment.

As the day progressed, it became quite apparent that Conner had a particularly special relationship with one of the young ladies in his class:).  They clearly had a crush on each other.  It was fun to watch Conner in this environment that was so comfortable for him.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed as he is surrounded by young people who are speaking a language he has challenges understanding, he was a vibrant, funny and popular leader in his peer group.  I am so glad I had this opportunity to come with him and see this outgoing and social side to our son.

After dinner at the school, we had to head back to our hotel.  Once there we had the chance to meet for a few minutes with a family from Georgia that was there on an adoption trip.  They had just received their daughter earlier that afternoon.  They only had a few minutes to talk, but it is always fun to connect with others who have adopted and really understand the joys and challenges of the process.

So ended our third and last day of the trip.  As I mentioned before, it really felt like heaven just rolled out the red carpet for Conner.  Prior to leaving, we had the impression that we would only have a short time with Conner's foster Grandpa and brother.  We didn't think we would be able to see either of them on the second day of our trip and we had envisioned a short visit at his school.  Conner was worried that he would be bored!  Instead, virtually every waking minute was filled with people who Conner loves and who love him.  He was surrounded by not only wonderful friends, but wonderful weather.  He spent more time with everyone than he had envisioned.  And he had a fantastic trip from start to finish.  God is good!

-Jeremy

Travelogue - Day 3

We woke up to the sad realization that the refrigerator in our room was not working.  Unfortunately, I hadn't noticed this the night before when I put in the food his family had made for him.  Conner was NOT happy about throwing away the duck and the soup he loved :(.  Since we couldn't use the leftovers, we headed back to our favorite restaurant for breakfast.  The staff there were really getting a kick out of the two of us.  Conner would order in Chinese, I would pay for it and get a ticket and then present the ticket at the serving counter.  Big smiles all around as they checked out what food the foreigner was going to try today!

We caught a taxi to the designated meeting spot for the morning.  Grandpa, foster mama, Conner's brother and a couple of others were waiting for us.  Foster mom had a new coat as a gift for Conner, but then she had to say goodbye.  Grandpa, brother, the orphanage director and Conner's piano teacher took us on a walking tour of the local neighborhood.  There were some old buildings, a small art museum and lots of shops.  That day and the next were two of the most beautiful weather days I've experienced in China.  The sky was almost completely blue.  Clouds were visible and the temperature was very comfortable.  What a perfect time for a visit!  After our tour we were treated to another scrumptious meal from the orphanage cafeteria.  At this point it was time to say goodbye to everyone except for Conner's music teacher.  More hugs were exchanged and we told them we hoped we could come back again.

Ready for a walk around town.

Fortunately we were able to go by the Cat Store, 'cuz really, it's "All About Cat"

Lunch at the orphanage

Getting ready to say goodbye.

The music teacher took us to an outdoor mall and we walked and walked (and walked) along the main thoroughfare.  We ended up spending about 4 hours just with her.  Conner really loves her, so it was very enjoyable for him to be able to be with and talk to her.  Eventually her husband, a Frenchman, joined us.  The two of them spoke to each other in French, I spoke with each of them in English, and Conner spoke with his teacher in Chinese.  Quite the international group:)!  We took a bus to East Lake, a beautiful park area within Wuhan city, and enjoyed time walking through the beautiful landscape, observing the variety of trees and and shrubs that were beginning to bloom and relaxing in a very peaceful environment much different than the normal hustle and bustle of a city with over fifteen million people.  They treated us to a delicious dinner to end the evening.  Once again we had a wonderful day during which Conner was able to enjoy his beloved home town and friends.

Jeremy

Beautiful East Lake

Goodbye at the hotel.

Travelogue - Day 2

After a refreshing 5 hours of sleep, Conner and I got up to gray skies and a drizzle of rain.  We headed downstairs to find something to eat.  The hotel restaurant has a wonderful all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet with delicious western and Chinese cuisine.  The problem is, neither of us could stomach the $17 per person price tag.  So we started walking down the street looking for a restaurant.  The first place we came to was a cafeteria-style place that had one of Conner's favorite Chinese dishes: Wuhan noodles.  I told him to order the same thing for both of us, and we feasted on noodles with peanut sauce and vegetables, steamed buns with pork, and a cup of heated soy milk.  Delicious!  And it came to a total of $2.50!  

We were scheduled to be at the orphanage at 2:30pm, so after breakfast, we walked home and took a nap:).  We went to the same restaurant for lunch and had some fried chicken and another Wuhan-specific dish made with rice fried in a thin crepe-like breading.  Again, cheap and yummy.

After lunch we waited for our friend, Joanna.  Joanna was our adoption agency guide on our trip to adopt Conner.  She is a wonderful lady who has worked with CCAI for about 15 years.  She drove her own car to pick us up (not very common here) and drove us to the orphanage.  Conner's reception as he walked into the room with his many loved ones was truly beautiful.  His "Grandpa" embraced him and kissed his neck and cheeks.  His brother gave him hugs and they talked excitedly together.  Conner's foster moms (one is "Grandpa's" wife, the other is the foster mom he lived with for the   last two years before we adopted him) were both all smiles and hugs.  The orphanage director was so excited to see him.  There was also a foster brother there that Conner had lived with for seven years.  This sweet boy has down syndrome and is non-verbal, but Conner hugged and hugged him and was clearly glad to have him there.  Conner's piano teacher was also there.  She was the one who first recognized Conner's musical abilities and taught him piano.  She had taught several of the kids a couple of songs they could sing in English in honor of Conner coming back to visit.

The next three hours were basically a love-fest for Conner.  His sunny disposition, humorous outlook on life and musical talent had clearly made him a special son at the orphanage.  Everyone was so excited to talk to him, to ask him how life in America was and to tell him how much they loved and missed him.  I had misty eyes several times during the reunion and became unquestionably aware that this three hours alone was worth the entire cost and effort of the trip.  We hope that Conner's brother and foster Grandpa have many years to live and that Conner has many more opportunities to see them in person.  But if not, we're so glad he had this opportunity to connect with these important people in his life.

Conner's gifts to his loved ones all prepared.  (Christi had a full page of instructions for me on how to put these together!)

Grandpa was so happy to see Conner when we walked in the room.

Conner and his brother with Grandpa

The music teacher that first realized the talent Conner has

They had taped these "Baby, welcome home" signs all over the room

Foster Grandpa and his wife with a little girl they are currently fostering

This little angel kind of fell in love with me.

The foster mom that Conner lived with the last 2 years before he was adopted.

Joanna, our guide on our trip to adopt Conner.  Now a friend who came to see him meet his loved ones.

At one point, they all wanted Conner to play the piano for them.  He first played a song that he used to play in China and several of the people there, including his brother, sang along.  Then Conner wanted to play a new song for them that he had learned in the United States.  He decided on a song he had learned to accompany a church youth choir.  It is a beautiful song that moved many people in the congregation to tears on the day he played it in church.  But being an accompaniment, it is much more powerful when the choir sings along.  So he calls out "Hey dad! (That might be the first time he's called me 'dad' instead of 'daddy.'  I liked it.)  Can you sing the song for me?"  I've heard him practice this song many times and I know some of the words to it, but I certainly don't know the whole thing.  But what was I going to do?  How often does he get to play for his friends and loved ones in China?  So I sang.  I knew the first line, but that was it.  But I knew nobody else would know the difference, so I continued on with the correct melody:  "I cannot remember the words to this song but I know I'm the only person who'll care.  I hope that they like your beautiful playing and they will not know that these words make no sense!"  I sang my heart out, trying to compliment Conner's playing the best I could.  Fortunately, they were shooting video of the entire thing:)

We were able to talk with these wonderful people for about three hours.  They asked Conner lots of questions about his experiences in America and about school and if it was difficult for Conner to adjust to life outside of China.  Joanna was translating for me.  At one point Conner said, "It was very hard when I couldn't speak English, but my mom helped me a lot.  She helped me feel better."  Go Christi!  They provided us a meal of Chinese food from the cafeteria, which was as delicious as it sounds:).  After dinner we wound things up and made arrangements to meet the next day so Conner could do some shopping for gifts to bring home to his siblings.  Once we got back to the hotel, we crashed.  Well, I crashed.  Conner was incredulous that I was going to bed at 7:30.  Jet lag is NOT awesome!

Jeremy

Travelogue-Day 1

Ah, a flight to China.  Those of you who have spent more than half of a day on a single airplane know what a delightful prospect this is.  A few days before our departure, I was talking to Christi about how much I had to do before we left on this trip.  How I was unlikely to get a full night's sleep prior to embarking on our journey.  Jessica happened to be listening and she suddenly chimed in with this gem, "but you'll be able to catch up on your sleep on the plane, right?"  With a sincere and caring smile on her face she shared this joyous news, "You'll be on the plane for so long and you can just sleep and sleep and sleep!"  I smiled and thanked her for making me aware of this very relieving fact.  I declined to point out to her how a somewhat overweight, 6' 2" old man with a bad back might have just a bit harder time sleeping on the plane than a nine-year-old girl (Jesi's age on her last trip).

In a nice development, we ran into Conner's best friend at the airport.  Conner's friend Tanner has been such a blessing.  He loves Conner and is always looking out for him.  He helps him at school social events and often aids him in navigating the school.  He is a wonderful person and we are so grateful he looks out for Conner like he does.  Tanner is in Conner's junior high Chinese class.  The teacher of this class is leading a spring break tour of China for any students who wanted sign up.  Tanner was going on this trip, and as we were boarding our first flight, we realized that this student tour had the same itinerary as we did all the way to Beijing.  I love little tender mercies.  It was great for Conner to have a friend during our Seattle layover and to talk to until we parted ways after immigration.

True to form, I slept poorly on the flight.  Conner slept a little better than I did, but even he got a bit grumpy.  He turned to me at one point somewhere over Alaska and asked, "are we almost there?"  I replied, "just seven and a half more hours."  "What!?!"  He wasn't too pleased.  The flight had many movies to choose from, and I watched Citizen Kane (not exactly sure why that one continues to be ranked as the number one film of all time by critics.  Haven't they seen Guardians of the Galaxy?) and The Good Dinosaur.  Conner has some books loaded on his iPod, so that kept him somewhat entertained.  Finally we got to Beijing and parted ways with Conner's schoolmates.

On the plane!  (Conner's friend happens to be photobombing us above Conner's head.)

Trying to catch some sleep

Chinese culture does not seem to have an inhibition against staring.  Everywhere we go, a caucasian giant and a Chinese boy with a white cane, we garner a lot of stares.  Sometimes I ignore them.  Sometimes I like to play with the situation a bit.  Out of the corner of my eye I see somone blatenly staring us down.  I glance quickly over at them and then straight ahead again.  They look the other direction for a moment.  Then they begin to stare again.    We repeat this cycle once or twice, then I look directly at them.  GOTCHA! They turn away, flustered.  Except when they don't.  Sometimes they just continue to stare.  Like I said, it's a cultural thing.

Once we had cleared immigration in Beijing, we had to go back through the check in process, get our boarding passes and go through security again.  After security we stood in front of the "departures" listing trying to find our gate.  A rather determined starer started to look us over.  A young woman in her 20's, she did not relent.  For a full two minutes she stared at us as I we stood there.  Finally, she approached and with a thick accent said, "Excuse me, is this your son?"  "Yes."  Her response was obscured by her accent.  When she saw my blank look, she spoke to Conner in Mandarin.  He turned to me, "She wants to know if she can take our picture."  (Conner's first experience with interpretation.  He's pretty good at it!)  This is not an uncommon request for us in China, although it usually happens when Parker (fiery red hair) or Jessica (long barbie colored hair) is around.  So we let her take our picture.  She gave Conner her qq address so they could keep in touch.  

As we walked away we stopped to get a drink.  Conner ordered a Sprite and we meandered towards our gate.  As we were walking, I turned to him and asked, "Do you know why she wanted our picture?"  "No," he replied.  I told him:  "Because I am so handsome."  Sprite about spurted through his nose as Conner cracked up.  "I don't think so!" he said.  Apparently he doesn't even have to see me to know that wasn't tue!

Made it to Beijing!

It's OK, though.  He had a rope to tie down the trunk.

We caught a taxi for an hour-long ride to our hotel.  It was 3:00 am local time, and we crashed hard on the marble slabs that pass for beds on this side of the Pacific.  We made it!

Jer

A Visit Home

Shortly after we returned home with Conner in 2014, we found out some most surprising, and somewhat disconcering, news.  He has a biological twin brother.  Conner hadn't tried to hide this from us, in fact, he was surprised that we didn't know about it.  It was close to his birthday-- just two months after we had brought him home, and Christi and Conner were talking about birthday plans.  Conner got very quiet and sad and she asked what was wrong.  He started to cry as he told her in very broken English that his brother would get no presents and no cake on his birthday.  She clarified, thinking he must mean a foster brother, but Conner insisted it was not only his brother, but his twin.  After about an hour of talking and trying to convince us he had a twin with very limited English, he told us to look on a flash drive he had brought with him for pictures and videos.  We had forgotten about this flash drive, handed to us in the middle of the chaos of gotcha day, and hadn't ever opened it.  Sure enough, this flash drive contained images and video of his brother, and the resemblance was unquestionable.  We were a bit dumbfounded by this news.  Why hadn't China told us about this?  What is his situation now?  If our son has a twin brother, what is our relationship to him?

An immediate thought was, can we adopt him, too?  Unfortunately, by law, once a Chinese child is 14, they cannot be adopted, so that was not an option.  Fortunately, we live in an era of ever decreasing communication costs, so Conner has frequently been able to talk with his brother and other friends in China.  Until about a month ago, Conner's brother lived in the home of the foster family he has been with since he and Conner were abandoned as infants.  This sweet husband and wife are late middle age, and Conner has always called the father, "Grandpa."  It has been clear in the calls he has made since we adopted him how much Conner loves both his Grandpa and his brother.  Of the many things that an older child adopted from a foregin country might miss, these two relationships are clearly what Conner misses the most.  

Several times after a conversation with them, he has wept in Christi's arms as he has lamented both the distance that keeps him apart from loved ones and his Grandpa's poor health, which he worried would take Grandpa's life before Conner had a chance to see him again.  About two months ago, a new development occurred which was devastating for Conner.  In addition to his Grandpa's poor health, Conner's brother had developed a life-threatening illness.  His brother, who is also blind, but has some additional physical disabilities, had to be moved from the foster home into the orphanage.  The foster home was 2-3 hours from the orphanage in Wuhan, and Conner's brother needed to be closer to medical care.  So on top of a physically painful and life-threatening illness, poor brother had to leave the home he has lived in for virtually his entire 15-year life span.  Conner wept and wept after he learned of this.  Christi and I hugged him and tried to console him, but he was beside himself.  "He is my brother," he kept repeating through the tears.

Christi and I decided that the time had come to take Conner back for a visit.  We found a weekend where I had a Friday off of work and booked tickets for Conner and me to travel to Wuhan.  We let Conner's relatives and other friends from the orphanage know we were coming.  Conner was very excited.  Having been to China enough times to know what a greuling travel experience it can be, I was a bit nervous about a 3-day stay in the middle kingdom.  A 24-hour itinerary there, 72 hours in country, and a 24-hour itinerary back.  And with less-than-stellar communication with the orphanage, we were not completely sure how much time we would get to spend with Conner's loved ones.  It was a bit of a leap of faith.

Jeremy