Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Late night ramblings...

After finishing the previous post, I was sitting here reflecting on today and was just overwhelmed with gratitude for my many blessings. I have found that if I am looking, there are so many tender mercies sent by the Lord just for me. It might be as simple as the beautiful sunset that I watched tonight as we were eating dinner. Or as big as the phone call I received from the photographer who took Graci’s pictures on her “Star Raising” night, telling me that she felt led to give us a discount (HALF PRICE) on the photos I ordered yesterday. This call was received after struggling all morning with feelings of “buyers remorse,” knowing that we didn’t have money for photos right now. Thank-you, Kathryn! These tender mercies also came in the way of getting to spend time with the beautiful young women in my ward and being uplifted by the friendship of the women I serve with. They came in two little girls knocking at our door asking for donations for Primary Children’s Hospital and me being reminded how grateful I am that none of my children are there right now. They came in Elli going potty at school three days in a row—YAY! They came in getting through an entire day without major pain from the shingles.

I’m just feeling very blessed! And very undeserving. I’m not just saying that to sound all humble either. I’m really feeling overwhelmed at how many people are blessing my life while I’m giving so little back. For example, I have my “adoption shower” coming up on Saturday. I am SOOO excited, and yet I feel almost guilty for having one. I can’t really figure out why—I just do! Maybe because they’re not babies? I don’t know… My friend asked me to register at Target. I’ve never registered for anything before—and really didn’t even know how to do it. When I got there, they gave me “the gun” that you scan your “wanted items” with. I felt so silly walking around going, “I want this! Give me this!” First of all, I almost always buy things on sale—usually clearance. When you try to scan those things, it tells you that there is a limited number and to choose something else. So I felt uncomfortable scanning things that were full-price. It was fun, but after I was done, I almost just wanted to erase it all. I want people to know that I would be grateful for anything—I love hand-me-downs! I don’t know… it’s just I realize that it’s a hard time for people right now and I don’t want them to think I feel entitled to nice things. Anyway… I’m just rambling at this point. I’m just so grateful for what is being done for me and I want others to know how much it means to me.

Thank you, everyone.



  1. Wow - if you give that a read from an 'outside' perspective like mine - oh your Soul just glows!

    And please understand that you didn't 'say' that - it's just showing....follow me here:

    All the things you are - all the things you do (in just one hour of your day!!) - all your Faith - the fact that you always find a Blessing in it....and you still feel what seems like a touch of unworthyness (guilt?)....Christianne - I see a lot of 'humble' there, you remind me so much of Francis of Assisi (I know I keep going back to him - but he's a hero!).

    I assure you that you are a "Good and faithful servant" - and dang - pretty high on the Mom scale too!

    And on top of all of that you bring joy to our!

    hugs and love you guys -

    aus and co.

  2. tears rolling down my face as I read.... I KNOW..... this is right where Im at. my husbands work wanted to throw a shower for us and as I was walking through Target with the gun I kept feeling nausea wash over me. I even clicked on simple things(soap, hairbows, socks) because, well when you have been an orphan, its all a gift, and I kept thinking of the ones we had to leave behind.... i cant even tell you about that because Im such a wreck. I was SO glad the party was small and there werent many gifts, because I just cant deal with the bigness of it all. It was a dream, I trusted God for it to happen. But the reality. beyond words. ANd HOW do you thank people that really gave and gave some more??? I just have to keep reminding myself it wasnt for me it was for little G....... but if they only knew what a gift having her feels like it was all for me........

  3. Christianne - you are amazing, for all that you are blessed please remember that allowing others to do for you in what ever way they choose blesses their lives too. I miss you friend, you are an amazing example to me of motherhood and compassion and love. Thank you for being that person.