Let it Shine!

Today is Elli's 8th birthday!  My heart has been overwhelmed with love for her today.  In fact, I've been sitting here at the computer for quite some time-- not being able to type anything because words seem so inadequate for what I am feeling.

I guess I can start by telling you about her day.  Jeremy's out of town, so the kids and I went downstairs to bring her breakfast in bed this morning.  We walked in the door to find her huddled on top of the upside-down papasan chair completely wrapped up in her blanket.  She had taken off her jammies and her pull-up had been torn to shreds all over her bedroom floor.  The room did not exactly smell good!  Her keyboard had two keys broken off of it and her toys were scattered around the room.  She was singing.   (:  I got her cleaned up and laid her on the bed.  We sang "Happy Birthday" and fed her breakfast, then gave her one of her presents-- a new music toy.  She took it and pushed a button, a smile immediately spreading across her face.  She giggled.  The kids were so, so excited that she liked it.  Then I told them that the best present we could give her would be a clean room-- so we all worked together to clean it up while Elli figured out her new toy.   The next two hours were spent bathing all the kids and getting ready for church.   We made it through the Sacrament with all of us in the chapel before Elli started making loud noises and Xander started to complain that his leg hurt.  I took X, E, and S out into the hallway for the rest of the meeting, where Elli happily jumped around in circles for the next 30 minutes.  Then it was off to Primary.  After all the kids were settled in their classes, I sat down in Sunday School by myself.  I couldn't concentrate on the lesson because I was just consumed with thoughts of Elli.  How difficult she was.  How precious she was.  How grateful I was for her sweet teachers who were spending time with her so I could enjoy some spiritual enlightenment.  How guilty I felt that someone was taking care of her.  How far she's come since she was placed in our arms 5 years ago.  How little she's come since she was placed in our arms 5 years ago.  How I can be so completely overwhelmed by her and completely overwhelmed with love for her at the same time.  How the sound of her singing is probably my favorite sound in the world and how the sound of her screaming is probably my least favorite sound in the world.  How being her mother is at the same time so painfully bitter and so perfectly sweet.

How I yearn for her healing.

I thought of the scripture in John 9:2-3--  "And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?  Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents, but that the works of God should be made manifest in him."  You know, when I was younger I always thought that Christ was referring to the fact that He was going to heal him, and that was how His works would be manifest through the blind man.  I look at it differently now.  I know that Jesus could heal my girls of their blindness.  But I think that because of their blindness, His works are manifest through them in a way that they could not be shown otherwise.  I feel this because I have seen how they strengthen others and lead them to more Christlike lives.  I feel this because their blindness has changed ME.  It has made me a more patient and understanding person.  It has filled me with a love for Christ that I don't know if I could have gained without them.  And Elli's autism and subsequent cognitive delays and behaviors has somehow further deepened my love for Christ and my relationship with Him.  For she is alive in Christ!  She is a celestial spirit.  And though I admittedly can easily forget this when things are particularly tough with her, I always know it in my heart, and I feel of her spiritual seniority in our home.

I remembered another scripture-- one of my favorites-- found in Isaiah 42:16.  It's the one I have clung to many times (I even named her blog around it) but have not thought of recently.  "And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them."  He has not forsaken her.

He will not forsake her.

So though I didn't necessarily pay attention to the lesson being taught, I feel like the Holy Ghost gave me a lesson that I needed more-- a reminder of the special spirit that Elli is, of the Savior's perfect plan for her, and how grateful I am to be her mother.

After dinner tonight we had banana splits-- one of Elli's faves.  I then put in a new CD  I bought her-- a children's gospel singalong.  The first song was the one that starts, "The Lord said to Noah there's gonna be a floody-floody" (I forget the name) and I started singing and dancing to it.  Pretty soon the girls and Xander had joined in.  Taylor and Parker just kind of rolled their eyes and laid on the couch reading their books.  I tried to get them to join in to no avail.  We kept dancing through the next songs before I came up with a great idea.  I announced that the child who danced the least would get to clean up dinner!  Wow... I had no idea my boys were such amazing dancers!  We laughed and danced through the next 10 songs.  It was so much fun.  Elli just sat there, but I think she enjoyed the music.  When "Kumbaya" came on, we all held hands and swayed and laughed.  (For those of you that don't know, when our kids argue, their consequence is often to hold hands, look each other in the face, and sing "Kumbaya."  It almost always ends in smiles!)

The last song we danced to was "Let it Shine."  This has been one of Elli's favorites for a few years now.  She doesn't sing as much or as clearly as she used to, but I remembered that we had gotten a video of her singing this a couple of years ago when she was more easily coached into singing and would sing a song all the way through!  She was also unusually happy and calm during this video.  I'll put it at the bottom of this post.   It's a great reminder to me of how she shines with the light of Christ.

After our dance party I asked the kids to each tell Elli something they liked about her.  Taylor's response was particularly sweet.  He said, "Elli, I love you because you have so many trials that you just deal with, and when I get discouraged, I look at you and think of how blessed I am and you make me feel like I can do anything."

I love what Elli teaches our kids, and the pure love they give her in return.

Happy 8th Birthday, sweet Elli!  I hope you dream of chocolate and Thai food and almonds and mangoes and noodles and bananas with peanut butter and pumpkin pie and breadsticks!  I hope that somehow as you close your eyes, you can dream with color and images and clarity of mind.  I pray that you can feel the perfect love that your family and your Savior has for you, and that you can rest your mind and body from the hardships they endure while awake.  Sleep peacefully, birthday girl.

Love,

Mommy

PS  Elli was not cooperative at all during our family photos.  She wasn't horrible-- she just wouldn't take her hands off her eyes and didn't want to stand or sit still.   We tried with all our might to at least keep her hands down from her face.  Smiling was just not going to happen.  After family photos they took individuals of the kids.  Elli still wouldn't smile-- we tried EVERYTHING we could think of.  Then someone remembered how much she loves when Grandma Rose does "Peter Piper" in pig-latin.  LOL.  Jeremy did it for her and we immediately got a big grin!  It's funny, though, as I looked at the pictures of her-- I tend to like best the ones where she isn't smiling-- it seems to capture the Elli that we know most of the time, and I think she is beautiful.  (:

This Week's Top Ten

1.  Hiking Stewart Falls.

Jeremy heard about this great hike up by Sundance that we thought would be perfect for Labor Day. Xander, of course, was still recovering from his surgery, so we had to get a babysitter for him.  Since we were already leaving Xander, we decided it would be easier to leave Elli too.  At the last second, Jesi backed out.  I'm telling you, we were counting our lucky stars that these three were not on the hike!  (They aren't exactly our biggest troopers when it comes to long, hot hikes.)   We've definitely been on longer, more strenuous hikes, but not with all the littles!  Taylor was awesome and backpacked Sophi all the way up.  Lexi did great on most of it, but was pretty exhausted by the time we got to the top.  I kept thinking how much harder it must have been for her-- it takes so much more energy when you have to hold someone's hand the whole way and be led around rocks and over dead trees.  I mean, imagine how tense you would be hiking a mountain while blindfolded-- this is essentially what it's like for her-- she expends a lot of energy.  It wouldn't have been nearly as hard for her if the trail hadn't been so full of rocks.  The falls were beautiful, but by the time we got there, Lexi wasn't having fun anymore.  It broke my heart that she worked so hard to get there and couldn't even see the beauty of it all.  There were some people at the falls who had come from a different starting point on a different trail that was supposedly quite a bit shorter.   I decided to go down that way with Lexi, while the rest of the group took the original trail back so they could get to our car and then drive and pick us up.  As we started down, I wondered what in the world I had done!  The trail was super rocky and narrow and I was trying to lead Lexi by myself.  Unlike the original trail we took, we weren't passing many people.  Part way down the trail, I was startled to hear what sounded exactly like a cougar or some other big cat.  It was an unmistakable sound, and unless someone was trying to be funny and imitate a cougar (quite possibly the case) I am quite sure that it was one.  At that point, I told Lexi to jump on my back and I piggy-backed her at a much higher speed down the trail!  She's a big girl, and I was exhausted by the time we made it down the mountain, but we did make it!

 

2.  Seeing the Mathenys!

Some of our dearest friends from Tennessee came into town this week to drop their oldest daughter, Meredith, off at BYU Idaho.  This is one of the world's greatest families!  They have five beautiful children (one adopted from China!) and we feel so blessed to call them our friends.  Meredith is truly just pure gold.  If my boys can find someone like her to marry, life will be fantastic for them!  There really couldn't be a prettier, sweeter girl-- I have a feeling she will have more than one boy chasing after her by the first day of school.   Heather (mom) is one of my favorite people ever.  (I have been blessed with two best friends named Heather!)  It was so much fun to visit with her and Michael and catch up on their lives.  They live in Georgia now but if I had it my way, they would live next door!  (By the way, as I'm writing this I'm realizing that I didn't ever write about our other visit from Tennessee friends-- the Merediths-- which was equally awesome!  I'll have to find pics and blog about that, too!)

3.  Sophi's Birthday!

Already blogged about this.  Love that girl!

4.  Getting invited to "The High-Fashion Fashion Show."

Starring Jessica on her fabulous pink runway, of course!

The Emcee

Um, a little small and ragged, perhaps?

5.  The ward campout.

Ok, we'll just call it the ward dinner.  We weren't able to actually camp because Xander decided to go and get a 104 degree fever which landed him back in the hospital on Friday.  After doing bloodwork and examining his leg (which had turned red and hot) they determined he had another infection and he was admitted overnight.  Jeremy took the rest of the crew to the dinner while I was at the hospital with Xander.  Apparently Jesi took it pretty hard that they weren't going to camp and was sobbing on the way there, but she was able to recover and have an "awesome" time.  In fact, Jer said that everyone loved it and had such a great night.    Xander was pretty miserable at the hospital, but the antibiotics are doing the trick and he was able to come home today.  We are praying mightily that the fever doesn't come back so he can stay at home-- otherwise, they'll have to admit him for several days to do another course of IV antibiotics.  UGH.  Poor boy!!!  This has not been a fun 6 weeks for him, to say the least.

I don't have pics of the ward campout or of X-man at the hospital, so I'm subbing a random, cute pic of Lexi instead!

Well, I was going to do "Top Ten" but being as how I am falling asleep at the computer, I think we'll leave it at "Top Five."  (:  It's been an exhausting day.  Actually, it seems that every day is an exhausting day!  I'm sure all you mommies relate all too well!

Goodnight!

 

They Really Do Love Me...

Last week Christi and I went on a drive.  When we came home, this was taped to the front door:

If I am not mistaken, this picture was taken by Christi at the end of a very late Christmas Eve.  Ah, the gratitude.  Kudos to Parker for the artwork:)

Happy Birthday, Sophi!

Yesterday was Sophi's 4th birthday.  She LOVED all of the attention, especially going to the store with Mommy to pick out a new barbie and playing with her cupcakes instead of eating them!  The kids were all so cute with her and loved on her all day.  It was a special birthday.

I had a thousand and one important things to do this morning, but instead I sat at the computer and created this:

We love you so much, birthday girl!  How did we ever get so blessed to have YOU as our daughter?!!  You are a piece of heaven on this earth.

Horseback Riding

I grew up with horses.  My grandpa had around 40 Arabians, and we lived on his farm.  I also had friends who lived on farms, and some of my favorite memories involved herding cows on horseback with them in the summertime.  I love horses!   Jeremy's grandpa raised horses as well.  So when Jeremy and I were given the chance to go horseback riding when we were dating, I jumped at the chance.   The guy who owned the horses gave me the "tame" one, and put Jeremy on the bigger, "more spirited" one.  He said that the spirited one liked to follow the tame one-- so off we went on a mountain pathway, with me in the front.  At some point I realized that Jeremy was a little anxious on his very spirited horse.  So I thought it would be funny to give my horse a good kick and take off-- hoping his horse would follow.  It did indeed, with Jeremy screaming like a little girl (at least, that's how I like to tell it)!  I finally reined my horse in, and his stopped as well.  I turned around to see tears streaming down his cheeks.  To this day, he claims it was his severe horse allergies (which he legitimately has) but I like to think I scared him a bit.  (:  At that point, I offered to switch Jeremy horses, and he quickly accepted.  Something I'm sure he regrets to this day, as I love to give him a hard time about it.  (:

You would think with my background, my kids would have at least had ridden a horse before, but it's been a long time since any of Grandpa's horses have been tame enough to ride, and several years ago he finally sold them all.  A few days ago, our sweet neighbors offered to let the kids ride their horses-- and we were all so excited!  I was shocked that Sophi, who is terrified of most animals, had the most fun out of anyone!  She kept asking to go again and just couldn't get enough!  Xander was pretty much terrified, but he finally calmed down at the end.  Lexi was somewhere in between Soph and Xander-- alternating between being very nervous and very excited.  Things are so different with someone who is blind-- we have talked about horses with her, but really she has had no concept of what a horse is!  I didn't realize how much we rely on pictures to teach our kids about things until we had Elli and Lexi.

Thank you, Blackburns, for helping me finally get my kids on a horse!  Now we just need to get on down to Aunt Leslie's so we can ride some more!!

PS  As I was posting these pictures, another horseback riding memory came to mind.  It was in Egypt, and I guess now that it's been 16 years, I can blog about it without worry!  It was the end of my semester abroad in the Holy Land.  There was a week-long extension to Egypt that someone anonymously paid for me to go on.  It was incredible in every way-- one of the highlights of my life.  One night, about 10-15 of us snuck out of our hotel and went to a place that rented horses (the things a college girl will do to hang out with some cute guys)!  The guy spoke very broken English, but somehow got it across that he had enough "good" horses for everyone but two of us.  He asked if any of us had ridden horses before, and I raised my hand.  (Dumb decision).  After everyone else had climbed on their horses, he brought out two additional horses for me and the other unlucky guy.  These horses were not exactly tame, to say the least.  After finally managing to get up on mine, it took off at full speed into the Arabian desert.  I had to use all of my strength to rein him in, and finally got him to understand that I was boss.  The other friend wasn't so lucky and was bucked off-- but not seriously hurt.  The group of us headed off into the night with a guide and the Great Pyramids as our destination (they were very close by).  For those of you that don't know, it is illegal to climb the Great Pyramids-- so you have to be creative.  A guy in our group had learned from friends that you have to go at dark with flashlights and then bribe the guards.  You give them enough money and then you climb up the pyramid on the side he tells you while he keeps a lookout.

Can you even believe I was this stupid?

I did indeed climb to the very top of the pyramid (the smallest of the three-- but it wasn't small by any means) and even made it back down, across the desert on my wild horse, and back to the hotel in one piece without being discovered.  Looking back, I feel a mixture of pride and "what in the world was I thinking??!!!"  It is kind of cool to think that I climbed one of the Great Pyramids, but risking a big fine and being kicked out of college???  Yikes!


 

The Great Pyramids

What they looked like in the middle of the night!

Some perspective on how big they are!

First Day of School Pics

We did it!!  As of yesterday, all of the kiddos have started school!  Xander is barely hobbling around and still has his drainage tube, but his surgeon has given him clearance and he was going out-of-his-mind CRAZY here, so off to school it was!  Luckily everyone has been taking very good care of him, and I'm sure he doesn't mind the extra attention.  We have been so blessed this year with FABULOUS teachers and great schools.  It's surreal that we have three in jr. high this year-- time goes by waayyy too fast!  I hate when summer break ends and it's time to send the kiddos off, but I must say that I am really loving the couple of hours a day I have to myself!  The only problem is, the more I clean, the more messes I seem to find-- will it ever end??!!!

Here are our cuties:

Graci-- 8th

Taylor-- 7th

Parker-- 6th

Lexi-- 1st (repeating)

Jessica-- 3rd

Sophi-- preschool

Xander-- 2nd

Elli-- 2nd

Jes waits to see what outfit Graci chooses, then coordinates hers and Lexi's to match-- one fun part of school uniforms!

BPFFE

I just found this note as I was cleaning up-- I believe it was written before Graci went to Oakcrest:

Jessica, I clean the room for you before i left now if you clean on friday and it looks good you would get some reward.  PS:  I would clean every day or put things away after your done so you won't have to clean alot.  Love ya  bye and thanks  PS:  Love ya I will miss you be good to Lexi and Sophi  Love:  your Best Princess Friend 4 ever BPFFE

There was a time I was worried about it being hard for Jesi to be replaced as the oldest girl by her new big sister.  Now I can't imagine how Jesi would survive without her!  (:

Calla

First of all,  PLEASE keep the meal ideas coming-- I'm loving it!


Once in awhile, you'll see a picture or hear a story that just rips at your heart.  It makes seemingly important things not matter anymore, and causes you to reflect on the truly important, eternal kinds of things.  Tonight I saw such a picture.  I won't share it here, because it is too heartbreaking, but I will share another one, of the same sweet girl.  In this picture, you won't have to see the horrific burns that cover so much of her body, and her sad little eyes as she is photographed showing her scars.

 

This little girl, named Calla by the agency advocating for her, is Jessica's age.  She was found at the age of 3 months old with severe burns all over her body.   This is part of what my friend, Annie, writes about her:

Her file states that as she learned to speak, the nannies taught her to say “mom” and that is was hard for her to say at first but she tried and tried until she was able to say it.  It also stated that because her feet were so badly burned that learning how to walk was very hard and painful for her, but she was determined and was able to overcome the pain and learned to walk.  Now, with the help of teachers and of other children, she will hold the hands of the other children to go to classroom or  to the dining hall to eat. She loves sharing her toys and loves drawing and although her file states that “it is not as pretty as other children’s”, she proudly puts her picture on a wall to show it to teachers and other children.  I pray that someone tells her that it is wonderful, that she draws pretty pictures. 

Please pray that this precious, beautiful child can finally know love, can finally know how amazing she is.

Surely there is someone out there who has room in their hearts and home for beautiful Calla.  If you or someone you know would like more information on her, please email me.  (:

--Christianne

HELP!

Most of the kids have started school and it seems I might find a little bit more time in the day to get somewhat organized and dig into all of the paperwork and projects and messes that have been looming over my head like a dark cloud!!  One thing that I want to attempt to get better at is meal planning.  I so often don't even know what I'm making for dinner until 20 minutes beforehand.  Most of the time that works fine for me, because I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of girl.  But sometimes it causes undue stress and leads to less than stellar meals.

So I want your ideas!!!  I want ideas for EASY (most important) meals that are mostly nutritious (I try not to cook with a lot of cream-of-something soups, sour cream, etc) and that are QUICK!  Crock pot recipes would be great.  I'm into really easy sides, like rice, cut up fruit or steamed veggies (I don't usually make fancy salads or side dishes unless it's a special occasion). 

I'll give you a few ideas of some of our favorite, easy dinners off the top of my head:

Breakfast Sandwiches: Toasted English muffins (we even like whole wheat) with scrambled eggs and turkey bacon-- easy and yummy. 

Breakfast Burritos:  Scrambled eggs and turkey bacon with salsa in tortillas

Barbeque Chicken Wraps:  Chicken cooked in barbeque sauce in the crock pot, shredded, then add more bbq sauce and put in tortillas (preferably the uncooked ones that you cook yourself-- so much better!), sometimes with added cheese or rice (Thanks, Channy, for this family favorite)

Stir fry:  A mega bag of stir fry veggies seasoned with soy and teriyaki sauce-- at the end add a bunch of cooked ramen noodles (drained and seasoned)

...These are the easy kinds of meals I'm talking about.  A few ingredients and QUICK.

Please, slather me with ideas!!!!  (: