Parker and Sophi Were Playing on Photo Booth...

Sophi's Song

Today in the car Sophi  was singing made-up songs with made-up tunes.  Imagine her singing her little heart out with a melody that wanders all over the place without realizing she had an audience:

It's OK that I don't have any arms

Because I am fabulous

And high fashion

Like Jesi.

And when I grow up, I think I will have three kids

Not 100,000 kids.

Because that is too many to take care of and to feed.

Actually, maybe I will have four or five or even eight, 

but not one hundred thousand.

Cuz' that will be too many.

:)

Conner Part Two

I just wanted to add my thoughts and feelings to Christi's post from yesterday.  It has been such a difficult past few months with regard to Conner.  The uncertainty we have felt has been so different from all of our other adoptions.  A large part of this uncertainty has been focused around what Conner would want.  Would he really want to start his life all over with a new family, a new culture, a new language and a new home?  It was such a beautiful experience for me to view his two short videos yesterday.  To hear him say himself that he wanted to be adopted and to have a mom and a dad!  And to have him say it with such a beautiful and genuine smile!  It erased any final doubts I had.  I am SO excited to go get this young man and bring him home!  We love you Conner!  See you soon:)

-Dad

Conner

Pick yourself up off the floor...

I am blogging.

It's been a long time.  Yes,  I was waiting for the time when I felt ready to post about Conner-- and I kept thinking that time would be like, the next day.  But it has taken me a long time to feel ready to write this post!  In the meantime, I did decide to follow advice in the comments and just blog about other things, but every time I sat down to do so, something would come up.  I would literally type one letter and the doorbell would ring or a kid would fall or some other interruption-- I guess it just wasn't meant to be!

But I'm here now, and I'm not only blogging, I'm blogging about CONNER.  (Insert cheers!)  And I'm ready to explain why I wasn't ready before.  (:

As most of you know, we first fell in love with Conner WELL over a year ago after watching this video.  Because his situation has been different than that of our other adopted kids, this process has taken a very long time.  During that time, much has changed in our family.  Obviously, our new home is at the top of the list of changes.  It only makes Conner's adoption easier, knowing we have the perfect home for him.  But other changes make adopting Conner harder.  I won't get into those-- they are personal and involve many things, including sibling issues that we will keep private.  Suffice it to say, a few months ago we began having doubts about whether or not adopting Conner was the right thing for us and for him.

To complicate matters, along with the pre-approval we received a couple of months ago, we were able to get a very detailed update on Conner.  It was a FANTASTIC report.  He is doing remarkably well and seems like a well-rounded, well-adjusted, just absolutely wonderful young man.  He has people who love him and take care of him, he receives piano lessons, he goes to a good school, etc.  All of these things are so good, but they also left us with questions.  Does he want to be adopted?  Is it the best thing for him?  Would he really be happier here if he has to leave so much good behind and start anew at the age of 13?  Is there another child who needs a home more than he does?  And the list goes on…

We requested that our agency try to find out what his feelings were about being adopted.  We knew, of course, that even if we did get this information back, it might not be accurate-- how can he even begin to know what adoption would mean for him?  But we had to at least try to see if he had an opinion on it.  In the meantime, we went about updating our home study, filing for immigration approval and so forth. Last week we received our I171h-- immigration approval to bring him home.  It's a BIG step in the adoption process and we knew it was time for us to make SURE that this is what was the best thing to do.

We have agonized over this decision.  We have prayed and fasted and talked about it for months.  I wanted absolute SURETY that we were doing the right thing.  We know the tremendous blessings of adoption but we also know the trials, the heartache, and the many tough issues it can bring.  We know all of the issues that go along with blindness and the time it will require.  Most importantly right now, we know that we have a child who is really struggling with the idea of this adoption.  It is one thing to choose to do hard things for yourself-- it is an entirely different thing to choose hard things for your family.  To make a choice that you know will require sacrifice from those you love with all of your heart.  It is a heavy burden and a big decision.

I wish this were the part where I could tell you that God sent an angel down from heaven to declare that this was indeed the right thing to do.  I guess that wouldn't require the faith that our Father in Heaven wants us to exercise.  Instead, He has been letting us know in small and simple ways that we are on the right track-- to keep going forward and to trust Him.  We are relying on Him with all of our hearts to be with us and with Conner in the process.

Yesterday we received a wonderful gift.  Two short videos of him declaring that YES, he wanted to be adopted and to know the love of a family.  We were thrilled to see his countenance as he spoke those words.  He is simply DARLING.  And those videos helped us to finally reach the stage where we feel solid about sending him a care package to let him know that HE HAS A FAMILY.  That he has a mother and father who will care for him throughout all of eternity, siblings who will love and cherish him always, grandparents who will spoil him and love him unconditionally, and a community and church and nation who will rally around him and lift him up during the tough times that are sure to be ahead.  Yes, as long as he wants it, HE HAS A FAMILY.

We are so grateful that it is our family that has the blessing of adopting him.

And we want to be VERY CLEAR that we know without a doubt that all of you who have served and supported and prayed for and loved on our family have made this adoption possible.  There is simply no way that we could do this otherwise.  Thank you so very much for being part of giving this amazing young man a family.  We are so thankful.

--Christianne

I think he is getting incredibly handsome, agreed?!

Tardies

Every school morning I drive Jesi and Xander to school.  Usually I drive them there and then come home before leaving for work.  Because of an early appointment today, I had to go to work directly after dropping them off.  Both kids are very concerned about tardies.  Not only do they not want to be late, they want to be VERY early.  That gives them more time to play with friends and less stress from rushing to class.  They often get a bit put out if I'm not ready to leave on their schedule.  (In the first 2 months of school, I think they only have one tardy, so it's not like I'm getting them there late.  They just want to be as early as possible.)

Last night before bed I told the two of them to be ready to leave for school at 7:30.  That would give me plenty of time to make my appointment.  Well, the morning came and things took longer than expected.  They were both ready on time, but I had too many things going and couldn't get away until almost 8:00.  The two of them were waiting in the car, and I was dreading the talking to I was going to get for making them late.  But somehow, me wanting to be on time made a difference.  I told them I was sorry and that things just hadn't gone right this morning.  They both responded so sweetly.  "It's OK, Dad."  "It's not your fault, Dad."  "You really tried, Dad."  Etc.  

It really made my day to have them be so understanding and sweet.  Thanks, you two!

Love,

Dad

Honk!

The other night Christi was gone and I was feeding the kids dinner.  Elli was on the couch and she suddenly just completely flipped out.  I'm not sure what frustrated her, but she started screaming at the top of her lungs.  Usually when she gets that way Christi will try to comfort her.  I am less adept at keeping my cool under those circumstances and will often just plaster a smile on my face and try to endure the experience.  When I did this the other night, however, Christi was not there to rescue our sweet little girl.  Elli kept screaming.  After a minute or two, Parker went over to the couch and tried to comfort her.  Taylor soon followed.  I'm not sure how their method of helping her evolved, but it was the sweetest thing to watch.

Each of the boys took one of her hands, put it to their own nose, and said, "Honk!"  She loved it.  The did it in random rhythms and ended up doing it to the tune of various songs.  Elli completely came out of her frustrated state and couldn't get enough of the boys.  Here are some pics and a video:

I love the joy on her face in this one!

So proud of these guys!  They are such good boys.

-Jer

The Cutest Chef In the World!

There are some really great programs for visually impaired kids.  One that Lexi just became old enough to enjoy is called the "Short Term Program."  This fantastic opportunity comes once a month during the school year.  It's basically an overnight field trip.  During this overnight they do things like go fishing, swimming, and bowling.  They've had a Halloween party, gone out to eat, and gone to Miller Motor Sports Park.  They sleep on the floor of the cafeteria at the Utah School for the Deaf and Blind.  The main point of the program is to help them learn life skills.  Cooking, maneuvering through public places and other things those of us with sight often take for granted.  It's been a wonderful for Lexi and she has really loved the two she has attended so far.

Last weekend she went and was supposed to wear a halloween costume.  Voila!  A most delightful chef!

Christi picked her up the following morning and Lexi went on and on about how much fun she had.  Christi said, "See, Lex.  There are some things about being blind that are good!"  Lexi promptly responded.  "Mom, I still want to see."  Oh, Lex.  We love you so much.  Thanks for your example of courage and joy!

-Jeremy

Southern Utah

Two weeks ago was fall break, and once again Christi was sweet enough to let me take Taylor, Parker and my dad camping in the desert of Southern Utah.  There is no more beautiful terrain in the world.  This year we went to Zion National Park.  I did some research before we went, trying to find an isolated place to camp.  Outside of the park there is a national scenic byway--a steep and rough dirt road that meanders past Smithsonian Butte.  We went up this about a mile and a half, then turned off onto an even smaller road.  A little way down that we found an amazing campsite.  We were right next to a narrow canyon and surrounded by bluffs and buttes.  There were amazing views no matter which direction we turned.  We only saw one other group on one night.  We heard a couple of campers, but overall it was extremely isolated--a perfect spot!

We spent two days exploring the National Park.  We did three significant hikes and saw spectacular views.  The first day we did the Canyon Overlook hike, and the upper and lower Emerald Pools hikes, each about a mile round trip.  The views at Canyon Overlook are unbelievable!

Ready to start out.  Taylor is taller than Grandpa now!

Throughout Zion you're surrounded by these huge monolithic escarpments.  Beautiful!

Yes, those are my boys looking down over a 1500 foot sheer cliff.  Actually, we found out from a different view a bit later that the rock they are on is actually a huge overhang.  Fun!

Then Emerald Pools hike took us along a small river into a more forested area and a narrower canyon.

The highlight of the trip was on Friday, when we hiked to the top of Angel's Landing.  This 6-mile round trip trail rises 1500 feet, mostly in the last mile.  It is the most exciting and dangerous hike I've ever been on.  The last half mile is very steep, with chains bolted to the rock for hikers to cling to.  There are spots where the slope is very steep to the side, and other places where the trail goes along a narrow cliff top maybe two feet wide with 1000+ foot drop offs on either side.  It was an amazing experience and at the top we enjoyed perhaps the best view I've ever seen.  I'm pretty sure that had Christi been there, she would have said there was no way we were going to the top:).

At the beginning of the trail with Angel's Landing in the background.

If you look closely you can see people hiking the switchbacks up this crazy section of the trail.  Believe it or not, the switchbacks up this are actually paved!

Taking a break with breathtaking views.

A bit like The Enchanted Forest in Oregon:)

Grandpa Green in his natural habitat

Waiting for the line of people coming down.  They are holding onto chains to their right.

Unfortunately my phone died at this point, so we were unable to get any more pictures.  It was an amazing hike.  I was quite impressed that my dad completed it at age 73.

This Southern Utah trip has become quite a tradition.  This was our 6th consecutive year.  We've been to five national parks and at least two national monuments.  We camp out for two or three nights each year and spend another night at Grandma and Grandpa Nelson's on the way back.  We've seen unbelievable views, visited ancient cliff dwellings, swum in Lake Powell and ridden a narrow gauge railroad along the edge of a steep cliff through the Colorado mountains.  But far and away the best part of this experience each year is the relationships we are developing.  I'm so grateful for the opportunity to get closer to my boys.  Grateful to be able to have time to teach them life lessons and help them grow closer to their Father in Heaven by experiencing His creations.  Grateful that they are getting to know their Grandpa better than they could just about any other way and hearing stories about his parents and family as well.  Thanks, Christi, for your sacrifices in making this possible each year!

-Jer

Father Time

I was on a sales call on Monday with a doctor I have only visited a couple of times.  I noticed a family picture on the wall and asked how many kids he had.  Noticing an infant in the picture, I asked if it was his grandchild.  Yes.  I told him that I had nine kids.  "Wow!" he responded, "and how many grandkids?"

Ouch.

Jeremy

Sweet Lex

After working on some things in my office early this morning, I headed back into my room.  I walked into the bathroom, and a sleepy Lexi was shuffling towards the sink.  I gave her a big hug and she responded in kind.  I turned her around so her back was facing me and her front was facing the sink.  As I looked at her in the mirror I said, "You know what makes me happy?  When I see your beautiful face."  Not realizing that I could see her reflection, Lexi immediately turned 180 degrees and looked up at me with a huge smile.  She wanted to let me see her beautiful face and be happy.

Sweet, tender, poignant moment.  I am surrounded each day by so many precious angels.

-Jeremy

Birthday Pics...

Christi has carried on a tradition that started in her family.  Every year on your birthday, you get breakfast in bed.  Not only that, but you get to choose what it's going to be.  Needless to say, this is a tradition that has been warmly embraced by our children.  Mangos and sausage seem to be a common theme for most of the kids.  (I guess I influenced the tradition as well!  My love of mangos, developed as a missionary in Thailand, has been passed on to most of the kids:)

-Jer


Cali:

Sophi:

Jesi:

Graci:

Reasons

I was making lunches this morning and watching Sophi and Xander at the breakfast table.  Sophi was slouched down in a normal chair with her legs propped up on the table.  "Sophi,"  I said.  "You are so lucky!  You are the only one who I will let put their feet on the table!  If Xander put his feet on the table, I would say, 'No Way!'  If Parker put his feet on the table, I would say, 'No Way!'  If Graci put her feet on the table, I would say, 'No Way!'  If Cali put her feet on the table, I would say, 'No Way!'  If Mommy put her feet on the table, I would say, 'No Way!'"  I went through everyone in the family explaining that there was no way anyone else could do that.

In her cute little voice she replied, "That's cuz my feet are so little, huh!"

-Jer

At Peace

I wish I could somehow pour my feelings out directly onto the computer screen.  The written word has many capabilities, but it falls far short when trying to describe the most heartfelt emotions.  It is also a poor medium for communicating the evolution of a train of thought traversing the human mind.  Nonetheless, I will give it a try.

I was driving down the road yesterday.  It was a beautiful fall day.  The snow-capped mountains around me were perfectly accented by the amazing blue of the sky.  The stand-up-for-what-you-believe-in Sara Bareilles anthem “Brave” was blasting through the car.  (This happens to be one of Cali's favorite songs, and I couldn't help thinking of her with a smile.)  My thought process began with how grateful I was for inspirational music.  From the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to Josh Groban to pop anthems, music can do so much to lift the spirits and inspire us to action. 

My mind wandered back to a time when I used to listen to great music on the radio and feel jealous.  I wanted to be the one performing!  I thought I had the talent to write music like that, to sing music like that.  Why couldn’t that be me?  I was fortunate enough to have the chance to chase my dream.  We moved to Tennessee.  I attended song-writing clinics.  I performed at singer/songwriter venues and entered competitions.  I quickly learned that I didn’t have the talent to be a star singer, but felt that I could make it as a songwriter.  I tried for four and a half years.  Christi and I, my brother Matt and I and other aspiring songwriters and I wrote multiple songs that I felt had radio potential.  One of our songs actually made a publisher cry!  But we never had the success I had hoped for.  Then suddenly we knew it was time.  We needed to leave Tennessee and come back home to the west.  My dream was over. 

But something had matured inside of me.  Instead of feeling bitter or jealous when I listened to the radio, I felt grateful!  Grateful for the beauty of the music.  Grateful that I had been able to give it a shot.   Grateful that I didn’t have to wonder, “what if?”  I gave it all that I could for four and a half years…and I did not succeed.  The Lord had a different plan for me.  For our family.  Our time in Tennessee, while not producing what we had hoped when we moved there, was priceless.  Lifetime friendships were forged.  Christi and I grew closer than we had ever been as we adjusted to life with no family anywhere near.  Spiritual lessons were learned.  And we were led to China.  All while in Tennessee.  The Lord knew we needed to live there for a time.  But it was for His reasons, not mine.  And I found peace.  Would it have been fun to tour with Garth Brooks?  Absolutely.  Would it have fit into the unique calling Christi and I have come to accept as ours?  Not likely.  I am so grateful that the Lord did not answer my prayers for musical fame and gloryJ.  To quote Mr. Brooks,… "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers."

Of course all of this and more went through my thoughts in just a few seconds.  Next I reflected on the need to reflect.  I have been reading a book with the boys.  It is historical fiction set around the ministry of Jesus.  (It is called The Kingdom and the Crown series, and I highly recommend it.)  This past week was our fall break, and I went camping with Taylor, Parker and my dad.  As we were on the long drive home from southern Utah, my dad read to us.  (As a side note, I haven’t been read to in years, and I was amazed at what a wonderful experience that is.  Made me more determined than ever to make reading with my own kids a priority.) 

At one point in the book the author gives a detailed description of a Passover meal in a Jewish household.  I was struck with the power and importance of recalling the sacrifices of those who have come before us.  As this family remembered the plight of their forebears as slaves to Egypt, as they ate the unleavened bread and bitter herbs, how could they not be more grateful for the blessings they themselves enjoyed?  How could they not feel grateful to their God for delivering them from such bondage?

As I was listening, my mind went to my own life.  I admit that there are times that I wonder why and how.  Why have I been given so many challenges to deal with?  How can I face a lifetime of caring for a child with Elli’s severe special needs?  But as I thought of the Israelites and others throughout history who lived in slavery for generations, as I thought of those living in poverty throughout the world today, as I thought of the pioneers who settled this land and the sacrifices they made, my perspective changed.  I have NOTHING to complain about.  I have been blessed beyond measure, beyond comprehension.  Where much is given, much is required.  And where much is required, much is given.  I was so grateful for this reminder.

I was struck by the value of the Jews celebrating Passover every year.  The clarity and understanding I felt as I was listening to the story was wonderful.  It will last for some time.  But I am sure that there will come another day when I am overwhelmed and wonder how I can make it and why the Lord would give me these particular trials.  How important it is to reflect on the sacrifices made by our ancestors and the blessings the Lord has given them.  By doing this regularly we are much more likely to see the blessings in our own lives and be grateful for the path that God has chosen for us.

I’m not sure I expressed myself very well here.  I hope some of my feelings came through.  Most of all I hope that my children can learn to find peace.  If the path the Lord has in store for them involves their hopes and dreams coming true, wonderful!  If a career in film animation or a spot on the high school basketball team is in their future, fantastic.  But if His path for them involves roads they would not have chosen themselves, I hope that they will be able to see His glory in their journey. 

Fifteen years ago, ten years ago, even five years ago, I had no idea where I would be today.  Had it been up to me, I very well may have tried to go a different direction.  But the Lord knew what was best.  I am grateful for His guidance.  I am grateful for His love.  I am grateful for His peace.

-Jeremy