All About Cali

I am so excited to share with you some more details about our Cali Rose!  I will start with her name.  First of all, over on the announcement video on youtube, someone asked a great question today.  He said, "Why would you change their names?"  We have had a few people ask us this question over the years, and I'm happy to share our reasons.  I think that the majority of adoptive parents have found that their newly adopted child prefers to be given an American name.  I know there are exceptions to this, but after spending a lot of time on adoption threads, I really think this is the case most of the time.  There are a few reasons that older children specifically have given for this.  First of all, it is difficult for people to pronounce their Chinese names, and that can quickly become annoying or frustrating.  Secondly, having an American name can make them feel more like their new family and friends-- they feel like they fit in better.  Third, it gives them a fresh start.

All of this being said, we feel like it's important to give the older child a choice.  When we adopted Graci, we told her (through a translator) that we loved her Chinese name, Wang Chun Ling, and thought that it was beautiful.  We told her that we had also chosen an American name for her, and that she could choose which one she wanted to go by.  For the first few days, she wanted to be called Chun Ling.  It wasn't long before she changed over to Graci.  For awhile, we called her both, but she quickly got tired of how Jessica pronounced her name "Ching-a-ling"  (we thought it was cute!) and would tell her, "No, I Graci!"  She now loves her American name.  At nighttime, when we tuck her in, we still call her by her Chinese name as we do our little bedtime routine of, "Are you my little Ling Ling?"  We do this with all of our kids from China.  Every child is different, and Lexi and Sophi were particularly adamant that we not call them by their Chinese name.  It took quite awhile for them to answer to it at nighttime.  I think it's all about that fresh new start and having a name that sounds more like those around them!  Many families choose to keep part of their child's Chinese name in their American name.  We did this with Elli (Elizabeth Mei.)  We also kept part of Lexi's (Alexis Li.)  But with the others, we had names that we loved that were meaningful and we opted out of using their Chinese name in them.  I don't think they feel slighted at all.  They just know they have an American name and a Chinese name.  In fact, I've asked Graci if she would like to incorporate her Chinese name into her American name, and she has declined.  All this being said, I know that some children and parents feel differently, and I think that is fine too!  Whatever works is great.  I'm sure that there are some children who want to keep their given name in some form or other and others who don't.

So, the best part of this, is that we actually have had the HUGE blessing of skyping with Cali!  We have never been able to do that with any of our other children, but because of some various connections, we were able to do so with her.  We asked her through her nanny if she would like to keep her Chinese name or if she would like an American name like our other kids and she immediately said that she wanted an American name.  We will give Conner the same choice.  So I hope that answers your question, Johnathan!  (:

Speaking of names... it took us FOREVER to decide on sweet Cali's name!  When you have lots of people in a family you have lots of opinions!  We discussed Lillianne "Lili", Olivia "Livi", Meredith "Meri", Isabelle "Issi", Madison "Madi", Adaleigh "Addi", Miriam "Miri", and more.  We liked them all for different reasons, but have finally settled on Calais Rose (at least for now!)  When I was young, I fell in love with the name Calais.  It is French, and my dad is a French teacher.  I loved the way it sounded (pronounced Ca-lay, with the emphasis on the lay) and the way it's spelled.  I told my Grandma Nelson that I wanted a Calais someday, and she fell in love with the name too.  She never let me forget that I wanted a Calais, and brought it up all the time.  When we found out we were having a girl (Jessica) she was really surprised we didn't name her Calais, but assured me that I would have my Calais someday.  She died about a year later, and I can't think of the name Calais without thinking of her.  I loved, loved, loved my grandma and she makes me love the name Calais even more.  As far as the nickname Cali, as I'm sure you've gathered, all of us Green girls have a nickname ending in an "i."  Well, except for Emily-- when she was born, I spelled her name "Emmy" (we hadn't really established the trend yet) and it feels weird for me to change it.   I LOVE the name Cali.  One of the sweetest girls I knew growing up had that name (spelled Callie) and she reminds me so much of Tang Min-- sweet, smart, and gentle.  Cali means "beautiful" and "lovely" which are both very fitting for our Cali.  Also, I found a website that claims that the name Cali originated from China-- perfect!  The middle name Rose comes from her Grandma Rose (Jeremy's mother) and also his sister, Tiffany Rose.  I think it suits Cali perfectly.  So there ya go!

On to Cali...  Is she precious or what?!!!   We sent her a care package a couple of months ago to let her know she was getting a family.  All of the kids wrote her letters, and we sent some fun goodies. According to her nanny, she was VERY excited and a little scared.  I would personally be terrified, so I'm proud of her for being "just a little scared!"  This girl is sweet beyond words.  Skyping with her was such a beautiful experience.  Her little high-pitched voice just cracked us up!  She seriously sounded like she was 4 or 5 years old.  She was so shy at first, but warmed up a little at the end.  We found out that her favorite color is pink, her favorite food is corn, and that she loves spicy food, girly things and princesses.  Our girls are SO excited!  She is apparently a whiz at computers and knows how to do power point presentations, but hates math.  (:  She attends a special education school because the regular school isn't wheelchair accessible, and she was very excited to learn that every school in America is wheelchair accessible!  She is 11 years old, and her birthday is in October.  That would mean she should attend 6th grade next year, but we are still unsure whether we'll put her in 5th or 6th.  We'll determine that later.

Cali has spina bifida.  From what we understand and have seen in videos, she can stand up for short periods of time and can walk just a bit if she can lean heavily on something.  It will be interesting to see what kind of therapy and help she will receive here.  I'm sure we have lots to learn.

My favorite part of the skype session was when we said "we love you" and she replied in her sweet little voice in English, "I love you, too!"  Melted our hearts.  We are told she is working very hard on learning English so she will be prepared to come to America. I'm sure it will still be very limited, but we are so grateful she is getting a head start!

The story of Cali's history is her own story to tell, and I'll let her choose later whether or not to share it as she gets older.  As far as us finding her, that is quite a story itself!  It involves miraculous events  with a dear lady named Kristen.  We will be forever indebted to her and to God for weaving such a beautiful story.  I will open up about that later as the time is right.

We love this precious girl and are so grateful for the privilege of being her family.  We can't wait to bring her home!!!

Here are a few pictures of the care package we sent her, and pictures of her taken over the last three years:

Tomorrow will be All About Conner time, so tune it. (:

This is what happens...

...when Sophi gets hold of Jesi's make-up.

Love this girl!

EMHE

So, quite a few people have emailed us and told us that we need to apply for Extreme Makeover Home Edition. That would be so great, except that the show ended a few months ago. In fact, when we told our kids that it was over for good (they LOVE to watch) both Jessica and Xander burst into tears. Poor Xander just sobbed. They were both so sure that someday we would get a home from them that would accomodate all of the various special needs around this house. (: I thought that they had forgotten about Extreme Makeover until last night. Part of Jesi's prayer was, "And please, please bless Extreme Makeover Home Edition to build just ONE more home, and help it to be ours!" Hey, ya never know! (:

Grateful!

What a day! We have been very humbled! So many people-- friends, family, and strangers-- have left the sweetest comments and words of encouragement on the blog, facebook, and youtube. It was so much fun to take breaks in between the homework and diapers and messes and Family Home Evening and dentist appointments and projects to read such nice things! It feels soooo great to have the support of so many people. Thank you for your kind words!! I am always worried that people will just think we are crazy. It’s not that I would be offended if you called us crazy. After all, it’s the same word I’ve used over and over to describe our family for several years now. As my mother-in-law put it, “You have to have a bit of crazy in you to adopt seven kids with special needs!” Are we crazy? No question.

But I am trying to let go of using that word day in and day out. I’m trying to let go of it because for me, it has been a crutch. Like if I admit we’re crazy, maybe people will think we are less so. You see, somehow, when I tell people we are adopting again, I feel almost apologetic—as if I need to justify what we are choosing to do. Don’t ask why! Probably because I used to look at other big families and think they were crazy!! I can’t tell everyone of the hours and hours of thought and prayer that went into each decision. I can’t tell them of the many sweet, sacred ways that I have been told by the Spirit that our decisions are right. I can’t tell them of the hours I have spent contemplating what each new child means to our family and of my concern for the children already in it. It’s far too deep and too personal to explain how we arrived at each decision.

That is why, when I first emailed Annie to tell her that we were not only thinking of adopting sweet “Monica” from her blog list of “wonderful waiting children,” but that we were considering “Abraham” as well, I felt the need to end my email with,

“I know—we’re certifiably crazy, right?”

And what a blessing it was when this dear lady, who I’ve never met before, and who was the first person we told of our plans, ended her very sweet response with this:

“Oh Christianne, you all are not certifiably crazy, just certifiably faithful!!!!!!!”

An immediate peace washed over me when I read those beautiful words. Here is someone who understood. In fact, she understood it more than I. To be constantly apologetic and timid when explaining our family is to take away from the beauty of God’s plan for us. Adopting special needs kids over and over may indeed be crazy, but it would be far crazier for us not to. We have been called. We have been commanded. We have been blessed beyond comprehension each time we have answered. And following our Father in Heaven is the farthest thing from crazy there is.

So thank you, Annie, for choosing the words I needed to hear. And thank you…EVERYONE… for affirming that to us today! It means so much to us—to me! And though I am sure I will again refer to us as crazy, and there is indeed a “bit of crazy” in us, I will always remember inside that we are something more important. We are faithful. And though we may fall short in so many areas, in the Lord’s commandment to “visit the fatherless in their afflictions,” we are certifiably faithful! (:


I promise to fill you in on all the details about our sweet Conner and Cali in the next few days! For now, I can tell you that they are both 11 (Parker’s age.) Conner is blind and Cali has spina bifida and a few other minor health issues. We are IN LOVE.

Thanks so much again for the love that you have all poured out today! We are feeling so, so blessed. And for those of you that keep saying we are amazing, you should see my house today!! Holy stinking cow, it is a MESS!!

By the way, Graci found a ladybug today! (The adoption community will catch the significance of that!)



Oh, and congratulations to my brother Danny, and his wife, Breanna. They had their first baby today-- a precious girl! Can't wait to meet her!!

Happy Monday!!!

Be sure to scroll down and pause the music at the bottom of the page before pushing play. If the video gives you problems (like it's doing to us sometimes!) try refreshing the page and restarting it. (:

Never, never...

include a Pull-Up (disposable diaper) in your load of laundry.  Never.  Never.  Never.

A Good Night's Sleep

My in-laws are now empty nesters.  Most of the time I look at that phase of life and think of how much I'll miss my kids.  But from time to time I am extremely envious of them.  Usually those times are between midnight and 6am...

Last night was supposed to be my night!  I had the coveted "sleep through the night" side of the bed.  About 3:00 am, the Sophi siren went off.  Christi didn't budge.  Given that it was her night to get up with the kids, I nudged her and then snuggled farther under the covers.  But peace was not to be mine.  "I'm feeling so sick...can you possibly get up with them tonight?"  It's so hard to think rationally in the middle of the night.  I guess you do get better at it with time and practice.  So as my brain tried to clear I dealt with the severe disappointment.  "OK."  (I must admit, it probably wasn't a whole lot friendlier than that, but c'mon, this is a massive paradigm shift to deal with.  At least I didn't ACT grouchy!)

I stumbled over a toy on my way to the hallway, groggily wandered into to Sophi's room and told her that I was not going to help her when she was screaming like that.  I would be glad to help her use the bathroom, but she needed to get out of bed and come in and ask nicely for help.  "I can't!" she said.  "Yes you can.  I'll wait for you in the bathroom."  So I went into the bathroom and sat on the edge the tub.  About 7 seconds later, a howl came from her room that far surpassed the screams she had originally woken me up with.  I pictured her having somehow fallen into a position she couldn't get out of.  Or maybe whacked her head on something.  It had to be some serious physical harm that had come to her.  I rushed into the bedroom, "What happened???"  "SPIDER MAN!!!"  I rolled my eyes and had to chuckle inside.  Of course.  Spider Man.

Sophi was terrified of just about all toys when we first adopted her.  Stuffed animals were particularly scary for her.  Didn't matter how cute or cuddly they were.  She even screamed when offered a Minnie Mouse doll.  Fortunately, this has improved dramatically over time and at this point she has many dolls and babies she loves very much.  But not Spider Man.  Years ago, I won a bunch of tickets at an arcade and got to pick prizes with them.  I picked out the ugliest dolls you have ever seen for Taylor and Parker.  They were stuffed Spider Man dolls.  The boys have long since outgrown them.  But they have stayed in the massive pile of stuffed animals and dolls that is in the room that Xander, Lexi and Sophi share.  Xander is still young enough to like them.  But Sophi is really terrified of them.  Most of the time they're far enough across the room that she can see them and just holler fairly rationally, "I scared Spider Man!"  My response is usually a caring "You don't need to be scared of Spider Man."  Great dad, huh?  (I'm not sure why the thought of throwing them away has never occurred to me before, but clearly the time has come:)  Last night, however, the web-slinger had somehow maneuvered his way across the room until he was on the floor directly at Sophi's feet when she tried to get out of bed.  So of course she had an absolute tizzy fit until I came and rescued her.  Spider-Man, you have seen your final day in our home!!!

OK.  In all honesty this really just happened.  Sophi walked in and saw the picture I just posted and said, "Aaaaaa, I scared Spider Man!!!"

After I took care of Sophi, I heard Elli downstairs.  As is often the case, she had taken off her jammies (this despite us now putting the onesies on backwards and pinning the zipper up).  It took me several minutes to get her changed and re-tucked in.  I finally crawled back in bed...and I heard a clock ticking.  I have a really hard time falling asleep with a regular noise like that.  If there's a loud clock, I have to move it out of the room.  Then it hit me that it wasn't a clock.  It was the dripping of water from our gutter in the aftermath of a major wind and rain storm earlier in the night.  (Funny, I have no problem falling asleep to the sounds of a storm, but a steady drip...drip...drip can keep me awake forever?)  So there was nothing I could do about the sound.  I tried to put it out of my mind and drift off....  About 20 minutes later I was just about completely gone, when I heard Sophi calling out to me again.  She didn't come in to get me, but at least she was calling in a sweet voice this time.  I went out to help her again.  This time she wanted lotion on her legs and face!  At 3:45 in the morning!!!  To be fair, she does have extremely dry skin.  So I put some Eucerin on her, tucked her back in and begged her to let me sleep.  Which she did.  The whole thing took over 45 minutes.

So yes, all you empty nesters out there, I do at times envy the peace and quiet which must prevail in your homes.  But overall?  I wouldn't trade my kids at these ages for anything!  (Well, I might trade them for a week or two in Mexico.  But only if I could have them back afterwards:)

Calling Australia

When I look at the map at the bottom of our website, it's fun to see where in the world people are following us.  I've seen people tune in from every continent except Africa and Antarctica.  I must admit that seems pretty cool.  But sometimes I wonder who these people are.  I don't think I know anyone in Australia for example.  So if you're one of the handful of people from down under, give us a shout and let us know how you found our blog:)

Thoughts on laundry

If you have more than 2 children, you have sentenced yourself to spending half of your life doing laundry.

If you have more than 6 children, the laundry will start to swallow you up.

If you have more than eight children, many of whom play sports, wear school uniforms, find it amusing to change clothing several times a day, love to sneak snacks in their beds, and haven't learned how to keep clean clothes out of the dirty clothes basket, I feel for you.

If one of those eight children has autism and enjoys chewing on clothing, wiping her face on clothing, taking off clothing, and finding every possible opportunity to escape when you aren't watching, find a bed (any bed will do) and strip down and use the bathroom on the bed/sheets/blankets/pillows, then you are doomed.  Realize that you will rarely look cute or trendy again, because you'll seldom find time to do your own laundry and will spend most of your days in your endless supply of grubbies.  Make peace with it.

A few tricks I have learned:

Always, I repeat-- always, use a generous scoop of OxiClean stain remover in each load.  I learned this from Mama Mary and it is up there in the best advice I've ever been given.  I swear that it makes a huge difference.  I hardly ever take the time to spot clothes before I put them in the washer, and with OxiClean, they still come out clean.  I have had times where I'm out and have done a load and there really is a big difference.  Go get some today.

Never, I repeat-- never, take time to iron your kids' clothes.  Ever so rarely iron your own.  Take the clothes out of the dryer right when the dryer is done and fold them or hang them up.  If they have sat in the dryer for awhile and are wrinkled, put a small wet towel in with them and turn the dryer on high for 20 minutes, or use the steam setting for 15 minutes if you have a fancy dryer.  It will fluff those wrinkles right out.  Perfect.

Put the spin speed on low if you are washing clothes.  It will make a big difference in wrinkles.

Liquid fabric softener, people.  It does the job better.  Took me half of my married life to figure that out.  No more dryer sheets (unless you want to throw a couple in for an extra fresh scent.)

If you have a lot of people to do laundry for, consider getting a high efficiency washer and dryer.  The biggest you can find.  Go without food if you have to.  You won't believe what you can fit in these things!

If you have an actual laundry room, however small, count your blessings.  I myself have a "laundry closet."  It opens up into the busiest hallway of the house.  I have tried to make the best of it by telling myself that it forces me to hurry and put the clothes away, but what I would give for an actual laundry room!

Color coded towels.  I think I have blogged about this before.  Each person in the house gets their own color.  If you can teach them to actually hang up their towel after using it, you can get away with washing towels once a week.  Bonus points for you.  Now come on over and teach my kids, because they won't listen to me.

Why am I blogging about laundry?  Maybe because the laundry in my house is so piled up so high that I cannot stand to face it.  I'll just write about it instead.

Any tips to share with me?

Happy washing!

P.S.  The surprise I blogged about will come Monday.  (:

You're Absolutely Right!

Today, Sophi and I were driving together to Jessica's second grade play.  Whenever I am in the car with just one of my kids, I try to have some sort of conversation to deepen the father-child relationship.  At one point this morning I said "Sophi, you're wonderful!"
She replied, "Yep!  Uh-huh!  I wonderful!  Dat's right!"
Its crazy to think back less than one and a half years ago to the little orphaned waif that entered our family.  She has come so far so fast.  She has become such a strong little girl.  She's going to do big things.

Dancing with Daddy

Jeremy started a tradition quite awhile ago of dancing with Elli in the few minutes before the bus comes to pick her up for school.  She loves it.  She wants the same song every time-- "Let Your Angel Fly," a song Jeremy and his brother wrote when we lived in Tennessee.  Sometimes she'll sing along.  Most of the time she just holds her daddy with this content look on her face.  I love it.

This is what happens...

...when you don't have arms to catch yourself as you trip on the sidewalk.  ):

Chatterbox!

She is Christi's incessant little shadow.  She follows me, too, when I'm home.   She can't be alone for two seconds.  And she talks.  And talks.  And talks.  She has lots of cute little phrases she uses.  One of our favorite:  "Oh Good Myness!"  (Oh my goodness.)

Sweet Soph:)

In with the new!

Our blog has been the same for several years now. Both Jeremy and I are kind of funny about change. Many people change their backgrounds and looks quite often, but we like the comfort of familiarity.

That being said, we have both felt like it's time to try something new! Our main goal is to make our blog more readable and accessible to people who are coming on for the first time. We have both felt a tremendous responsibility to share our story, particularly of special needs adoption. Many prospective adoptive parents have contacted us about things they have read on our blog and questions they have had. Hopefully that can happen even more often with the easier accessibility. We know that as we first began our adoption journey, we found ourselves full of questions. Many of those questions were answered through the blogs of other adoptive parents. They were extremely helpful to us. Hopefully we can be that help for others who might adopt as well! With that being said, we're humbly asking you to "button up," or in other words, put our button on your blog! Spread the word on Facebook! Whatever it takes-- let's let the world know the beauty of special needs adoption! It's kind of funny for me to be asking this-- believe it or not, I'm a pretty private person. In many ways, I'd rather have a small following. But I KNOW the power of blogs and the power of sharing experiences, and I feel such an urgency to open hearts to these darling children without families. Spreading the word is an easy way to be part of finding them a home!

We'll be working out the kinks of the new blog over the next few days, so be patient. Our new domain name will be www.abeautifulroad.com, but that's not up yet. You won't need to change the address if you are a follower-- it will automatically reroute you. We'll reward your patience with a very fun surprise as soon as we can. Believe me, you'll want to keep posted! (;

What's the Difference?

Me: "Hi Princess Graci. Are you fabulous today?"
Graci: (after thinking for a few seconds) "No. Today I'm beautiful!"

No lack of self-esteem there:)

-Jer

So Ashamed

My dad tried to teach me. He really did. "Jeremy, DON"T drink the milk right out of the milk jug!" I would sneak and try to do it when he wasn't looking. I mean, what a waste of time and resources. Why walk over to the cupboard and get a cup when you can just grab the jug from the fridge and be done with it. One less item for the dishwasher as well! I like to think of it as being efficient.

As a dad myself, I of course teach my kids the same thing. "No drinking from the jug!!!" "Unless you're me!" You see, I developed this fantastic method for making it a sanitary process. I just don't touch the jug to my lips! I lean my head back, open my mouth wide and pour the milk (or orange juice) directly into my mouth from two or three centimeters above. Now I can't do this if the jug is completely full. Disaster waiting to happen. If it's about 50%-75% full, I rest the handle of the jug on my chin to stabilize it, but again, it never touches my lips. It makes my heart swell to think of all the money I have saved by doing this over the course of our marriage. I have certainly saved many full loads of cups from being washed. Ever the economizer!

The other day Parker was talking to me and in passing mentioned Jesi drinking out of the jug and how gross it was. "WHAT?!?" I asked. "Yeah. The other day I saw Jesi drinking straight out of the jug." "Was it the very last of the milk?" "Oh no!" he replied. "There was still quite a bit left." In fifteen seconds I had finally learned a lesson that my dad tried for 18 years to teach me. In my mind's eye I saw my sweet princess swigging milk like a sailor. Clearly my "Do as I say, not as I do" lectures were not working. It has been two full weeks since I swore off my addiction, and I am proud to say that not once have I lifted that cursed jug above my head to drink. I know that with determination and perseverance I can leave this detestable habit behind me.

For those of you who have ever had a drink at our house, I apologize. (I once again reaffirm that I did NOT inhale...I mean touch it to my lips.) If you come again, you can rest assured that ALL of our drinks enter a cup first!

Jer

Best. News. Ever.

Most of you know a bit of Graci's health struggles. She has gone through a tremendous number of doctor appointments and surgeries in the last few years, mostly for her heart, but for other reasons as well. It was very hard news for her when after her last open heart surgery, she was put on oxygen at home. Many people didn't even know she was on oxygen because she didn't have to wear it while we were out and about or when she was at school. At home she often took it off when people came over or when we took pictures. All too often she didn't wear it all together because she hated it so much, and that has been a constant battle. She has however ALWAYS used it at night-- a must from her cardiologist. We even had to cart it on our trip to China, and on any other overnight trips.

We have been purposely vague about the extent of Graci's health issues and will continue to be, but I'm sure it is apparent that things were not good. She did, after all, get a wish from the Make-a-Wish foundation and has been in and out of the hospital many times. Every surgery she has had has gone better than expected, but her condition has still been very, very serious. When Graci was initially placed on oxygen, we were told it would be for the rest of her life, and that as things worsened (not if, but when), she would have to wear it at school as well.

Graci had none of that and says she always knew that she would be off oxygen one day, and Thursday, that day came! We were in for her routine ECHO and EKG, done every 4-6 months. Miraculously, her stats are on a big uphill trend. We knew after her surgery in November that things were looking good, but we didn't know that they were THIS good! (: Her cardiologist said that it is time to be cautiously optimistic about everything and TOOK HER OFF HER OXYGEN!

Insert cheers!!!!!!!!!! (: (: (:

I was shocked. I know I shouldn't have been, because the Lord can do anything. But it hadn't even crossed my mind that she would ever get off the oxygen. Her cardiologist was shocked himself. In fact, I think Graci was the only one not shocked. She just smiled like it was no big deal. (:

For all of those who have prayed and fasted for our Graci over the past few years, we thank you! We know without a doubt that God has heard those prayers. We know of His perfect love for Graci, and we knew that miracles could occur with her health, we just didn't know if they would. But they have! And we are overcome with gratitude for a loving Father in Heaven who made it so.

Graci, we love you. You are such a light in our home. We admire your strength and courage and pure, unwavering testimony of Christ. We are so, so blessed to have you in our eternal family. There are so many people all over the world who love you and need you HERE! We are looking forward to many more years for you to grace our lives with your sweet, quirky ways. (: Happy NO MORE OXYGEN Day, little Ling Ling!


He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. --Psalms 147:3

Taking her out to dinner to celebrate!

In Jesi's World...

Tonight was a bit tough for Jesi. She was working on her 2nd grade math homework when I came up and started trying to help her out. She actually does very well in math. I'm quite proud of her. In fact, what I was trying to help her with was the way she was holding her pencil. As a child, my parents were quite emphatic about helping us have good handwriting. I was taught the correct way to hold a writing utensil and the the correct way to form each letter. I believe this was more emphasized in school back in those days as well.

Watching one of my children write with an awkward grip is a bit difficult for me, so I try to encourage them to do it correctly. (I am coming to terms with the fact that my grandchildren may not even learn to write at all. Everything may be voice activated at that point, or keyboarding may be the only important skill. So I sometimes wonder if there's any real value to teaching my children a dying art form. But old habits die hard...) Anyway, I was very patient with her. I kindly talked to her about how it would be easier to write neatly if she would hold her pencil correctly. She was NOT happy with me. At first she flat out refused to make the change. Five years ago, that would have likely been met with an outburst from me. But I have grown up a bit as I have grown up. So I gently explained that sometimes she has to do something she doesn't want to do, just because Dad says to do it. She glared at me for several seconds, then stood up and went into her bedroom. She didn't throw a tantrum or slam doors, but she was obviously unhappy with me.

I followed and explained that marching off in frustration is not an appropriate response to your dad (although in retrospect, it's a lot better than if she were yelling at me, so maybe I just need to count my blessings!). Eventually we patched things up and she came back in and really made an effort to hold her pencil correctly. I was quite proud, and she was still able to write very neatly, despite this new technique.

She finished her math homework and asked me to check it. Most of it was correct. Then we got to a section where she had to write equations in different ways. One option was to reverse the sides of the equation (223-132=91 is the same as 91=223-132.) But instead of just switching the sides of the equation, she looked at it like a mirror image (223-132=91 is the same as 91=132-223). I tried to explain to her that this didn't work. I told her that by doing this she was trying to subtract a larger number from a smaller number. She just couldn't grasp the concept. She insisted that her way was right. She told me that Mrs. Miller (her 1st grade teacher) had taught her that this was the correct way to do it. Finally, I figured out how to help her get it. I had her write out the subtraction problem vertically and then solve it. When she did it my way, she got 91. When she did it her way, she realized that it didn't work. She re-wrote the answers the correct way.

As a satisfied teacher who had helped his student see the light I asked Jesi, "Do you get it now? Do you see why you have to keep the order of these numbers the same?" Jesi looked up at me with her cute contemplative look and said, in all seriousness, "In my world, the other way is still right!"

Dear, dear Jess, how I love your world. How grateful I am that the good Lord has blessed me with increased patience over the past several years so I was able to help you without getting frustrated. And how grateful I am that the entire experience, while difficult for you to go through until the light came on, was a positive and loving memory between us. Jessica, your world is a special place. Keep inviting me in!:)

Love,

Dad

Oops!

Our family was at the ballpark tonight for Xander's first baseball game. Afterward, we started walking toward the car. There was a group of people visiting on the sidewalk/grass area that we had to squeeze past. Sophi was walking just behind me, when I heard a man's playful voice ask, "well, where did your arms go?" Jer later told me that it took him a few seconds to process why someone would ask a question like that, but I immediately knew that the man had just assumed she was hiding her arms in her jacket. I turned around to see Soph staring up at him like he was crazy. I didn't know whether or not to say something, because I knew he would be embarrassed, but decided it would be worse not to. I said with a smile, "actually, she was born without arms." The poor man's mouth just hung open, and immediately his wife was apologizing up and down. I laughed and said it was ok, and not to worry, but I'm afraid that sweet man, who was just trying to be friendly, was mortified.

I've been giggling about it all night. (:

Dear Tiff

Your phone number is still in my phonebook, which means it's been transferred through at least five different cell phones since you passed away. It's hard to believe it's been almost eight years. My kids hardly even remember you anymore. I'll make sure we watch your funeral video again sometime soon.

Every month I still get the Travelzoo email you signed me up for long ago. I never even read it. Once in a great while, I'll skim it. But I can't bring myself to unsubscribe, because it's kind of like getting a once a month reminder that my little sis still loves me. On the flip side, I still send dad a few bucks a month to put some flowers on your headstone. I hope you see them there.

I still have a picture of you on my desk and a card you sent me about a year before you left. I particularly cherish the line: "I've appreciated all your advice. You're a great big brother." You and I were kindred spirits, Tiff. I love you. I miss you. I know you are in a beautiful place, and I look forward to seeing you again. I wish you were here to hug Lexi and Sophi. They would have loved you so much. Your exuberance for life would have brought out the squeals and laughter they love to share. I wish you could know Graci and Xander and they could know you. Graci would look up to you so much. I'm sorry you never got a chance to meet Elli and to hear her unique expressions of joy. Taylor and Parker still remember you, although it's more from pictures and videos at this point. They've always remembered that they were your "tiger & munchkin." Jesi met you just a couple of times, obviously too young to form any lasting memories. But I'm so glad we have the pictures of you holding her.

Every once in awhile I re-read your rather prescient "If tomorrow never comes" email. I'm so grateful you had a chance to share those thoughts with us before you left. And I believe you're still close by. I think you know a lot about our family. And I think you are as happy as anyone about the road we have chosen. I like to think that you had a chance to meet Elli, Lexi, Xander and Sophi before their spirits came down to this earth. I like to think that you hugged them, and maybe even told them that I was a "great big brother." Hopefully you told them that if they could just be patient with me, I might turn out as an OK dad, too.

You know what got me thinking about you today? The nose-hair clipper you gave me as a present years ago! I miss the candor of our relationship. Not every sister would just give that to her older brother and say, "Here. 'Cuz you need it!" Thanks, Tiff. And you were right:)

I miss you, little sister.

-Jer

Here's a story in the BYU newspaper about Tiffany.

Three things that made me smile...

Looking out the window to see this:

Walking in the living room to see this:

Having Jesi shove a box into my room and saying, "Look, Mom, I have a present for you," and then turning the box around to reveal this:

Happy Birthday, Xander!

Our Xander Commander turned 7 on March 26. He was so excited and has been talking about his birthday for months! He chose an omelet with lots of salsa, mangoes, and juice for his breakfast in bed. We had a fun celebration with the family that evening, and he was thrilled to get a new Lego set.

The real fun came on Saturday! Lexi had never gotten her friend party, as her birthday was over Christmas break and we were busy visiting family. We decided to combine parties for the two. A few months ago, we won a party from Munchkin Radio from a benefit auction. They came out to our backyard and put on a great party for Lexi and Xander. I figured since it was in our backyard, that the kids could invite as many friends as they wanted. They both invited their classes from school and a few other friends as well. Needless to say, we ended up with over 50 kids!! This normally wouldn't stress me at all, except that Mother Nature hates me and always seems to know when we are planning a big party. The wind was CRAZY that afternoon. A few minutes before guests started to arrive it really picked up. Decorations were blown everywhere, chairs were tipping over-- it was nuts! I just kept thinking, "In two hours it will all be over!" Thankfully, prayers were answered and it wasn't too bad during the party. We even had a few moments of complete calm. Weather, that is. (; The kids had a great time dancing to music and playing the games Munchkin Radio brought. We had hotdogs, chips, cookies, and popsicles-- all requested by Xander. He and Lexi had so much fun and loved being the center of attention. I was so grateful for a couple of moms who stayed and pitched in when we needed a few extra hands! I am also so grateful for the good friends that these two have. They are a great bunch of kids who have really taken Lexi under their wings. I just love first graders!

I should mention that the party was the same day that we had baseball field clean-up, General Conference, an Easter egg hunt for the blind and visually impaired (beeping eggs and blindfolds for the sighted-- awesome!) and a Jackie Evancho concert. Whew!!! Believe it or not, we stayed smiling all day! It didn't hurt to end it with Jackie Evancho. Make-a-Wish gave us free tickets and she was breathtakingly good. Even better live than online/TV.

Xander, we love you! You are so full of life and love! We are so proud of how far you have come in math and reading-- way to go! You are such a good friend and look out for everyone. Your smile lights up a room. We know that life has big things in store for you, because you are bigger than life! Happy 7th Birthday, X-man!!!

More Jesi-isms

The other night Jessica came up to me and said, "Daddy, do you notice something?" This is not an unusual occurrence at our house. With five daughters, I am frequently asked to notice this or that about someone's outfit or hair or the like. I responded, "Your beautiful hair?" "No." "Your beautiful clothes?" "No." "Your beautiful shoes?" "Daddy, it has nothing to do with my beauty!" OK, then:) (I don't even remember what I was supposed to notice, but clearly it wasn't her lack of self-esteem.)

Yesterday, Christi was doing Jesi's hair. She was standing near a door with a mirror on it. Jesi turned and caught a glimpse of herself, and, in complete sincerity, commented, "Hello, Gorgeous!"

Jesi used to do Kung Fu moves with Xander. Hers were quite entertaining. Yesterday I asked her to do some of her Kung Fu moves for me. "I don't have any more Kung Fu moves." "Why not?" "Now I just have fabulous poses!" She was very obliging when I asked for a demonstration. She looked like she was preparing for a trip down the catwalk.

At Christi's annual Easter reunion this weekend Jessica was talking to Christi's cousin Melissa. "How many kids do you have," she asked. "Three boys." "You only have boys?" "Yes." "You need to get you some girls!"

After the above mentioned reunion (a three-day-camping-in-the-Utah-desert affair) we got back to civilization late last night. Jesi was monopolizing the bathroom and Christi wanted to shower. Christi knocked on the bathroom door. Jesi, in a very matter-of-fact, formal voice, "Um, I'm very sorry out there, but this bathroom is occupied." "Jess, you need to hurry." "I'm sorry out there, but the bathroom is occupied."

What would we do without our little princess?

Jer

Utah United for Half the Sky

I blew it.

I was asked to blog about this over a month ago, and kept forgetting. Or putting it off. Or both. And now all of a sudden, it's the week of the race and I am feeling awful that I haven't announced this earlier.

Utah United for Half the Sky is sponsoring a 5K/10K race this Saturday. It will be held along the Provo River Trail (beautiful!) and is run by BYU student volunteers, with all of the proceeds going to orphans in China. If I wasn't going to be at a family reunion, I would be running in this race. Not because I'm a runner, but because this is a GREAT cause! Half the Sky is one of the best organizations out there and they have done incredible things for China's orphans.

Please, if you live in Utah and can participate in the race, consider doing so! If not, I am sure your online donation would be very much appreciated. These students have worked very hard to organize this race and have big hearts for the orphans of China.

Click HERE to learn more.

--Christianne

Spiced Citris Chic

Parker came up the stairs this morning holding this and asking, "Mom, is this hairspray?"

"No, it's air freshiener."

"Are you sure?"

"Um... Yeah. I'm sure."

"Well, Taylor won't believe me and has been using it as hairspray."



I thought he's been smelling good!

Get The Point?

Every night before bed we have a pretty defined bedtime tradition. We sing "Let us gather in a circle," alerting everyone that it is time for family prayer. We kneel down together, say our prayer and then share a scripture. After scripture, each family member says, "I love you, Elli." Then together we all say, "We love you, Elli." Elli (most nights) then responds, "I love you, family!"

The choice of who would say prayer each night (and all the other prayers during the day) used to be just random. I would pick someone, trying to spread the opportunities around. I would get many vociferous requests from various family members each time we were going to pray. As our family grew and grew, it became judicious to have some sort of organized system to decide whose turn it was. Way back in 2009, when we only had seven family members, each person had one day of the week. On that day, that person got to say every prayer. Meals, family prayers, any others that came up. It worked well. Then we jumped to eight and then 10 people. Now, I get the 1, 11, and 21 of every month. Christi gets the 2, 12, and 22, Taylor gets the 3,13, and 23.... You get the idea:)

On your day, you not only get to say family prayer at night, you also get to choose the scripture for the day. Sometimes these will be memorized verses. Sometimes we may open the scriptures and read directly from them. Often (for kids 8 and under) we will act out a scripture story. By far the favorite one over the years has been Noah. As we talk about the animals getting on the ark, each family member gets to choose an animal. Then we all act and make noises like that animal. Pretty fun stuff! It takes a lot longer now than it did when Taylor and Parker were little!?! Maybe not the most dignified way to share the scriptures, but at least the kids enjoy it:) After the scripture story, whoever's day it is shares their testimony about what we can learn from that scripture. With Noah, a child might talk about how we need to listen to the Lord and His prophets and follow their counsel.

Tonight was Xander's night. He chose another popular story: David and Goliath. Whoever plays Goliath gets to be on Dad's shoulders. After David gets us with the slingshot, I act out a rather dramatic demise. The child playing Goliath gets to crash slowly to the ground as we wobble and sway until Goliath goes down. Xander, of course, chose to be Goliath. (Sophi was David tonight, and having her slay us with a slingshot creates its own logistical problems:) After the story was acted out, I asked Xander to stand up and share what we could learn.

Xander: "We shouldn't throw rocks at people."

At first I thought he was trying to be funny, but then I noticed how serious he was. Stifling my laughter, I replied, "Well, that's true. Anything else we can learn from David and Goliath?"

Xander: "We should be nice to our brothers and sisters?"

Me: "Very good Xander. What about we should pray to and have faith in Heavenly Father and he will help us overcome even the biggest challenges?"

Xander: "Yes."

Clearly, something is getting lost along the way here!:)

-Jer

Counting Our Blessings

The other night at dinner I had a very simple yet very profound experience. We had finished eating and were playing 20 questions while still sitting together. This is a favorite game for the kids. My arms were resting on the table, and my elbow hung out over the edge by just a few inches. Sophi was down from her chair and wandering around. I almost didn't notice as she came up and started rubbing her eye against my elbow. I glanced down at her and was suddenly hit by the significance of what she was doing.

I paused our game for a moment, and without telling anyone why, I had us sing the first verse of "Count Your Many Blessings." After we sang, I asked if we all had challenges. Of course everyone said yes. I asked what some of them were. Someone mentioned Lexi being blind. Graci talked about her heart problems. (Parker threw in "being overly attractive...it's rough.":) After listing a few more, I pointed out what Sophi had been doing. How often, I asked, do you reach up with your hand and rub your eye or face? Pretty frequently! Sophi cannot do that. If she is sitting, she can do it with her foot, but if she is standing, she cannot do it by herself. So she came up and rubbed her sweet little eyes on my elbow.

We were all grateful for our hands that evening. I am grateful for all of my children-eight wonderful blessings I get to count every single day.

Jer

Christi's Problem

My sweetheart is an exceptional cook! She often whips up familiar recipes but isn't afraid to try new things. She has an occasional miss, but this is very rare. But she does have a problem. She almost always serves her meals with some kind of derogatory comment with regard to what we are about to eat. "This doesn't look very good, does it?" or "I'm sure it will need some salt." or "If you don't like it you only have to have a little." I believe part of this stems from her unique method of making sure the food she cooks tastes good...she looks at it.

That's right. My snookums never tastes her cooking before she serves it! Not a bite. Not a smidgeon. Not a snitch. Nothin! She will NOT sample her cooking before she puts it on the table. Not even to salt or season it. She just "looks at it". If she is really unsure of how it will taste, she requires my services. Problem is, I am a food moron. I may be able to tell her if it's not quite right. But my only idea to fix anything consists of, "Well, uh, maybe it could use some salt?"

The other night, she decided to try a new dinner. Homemade enchiladas and Mexican rice from rice-a-roni. The enchiladas were fantastic. Loved by all. The rice-a-roni? Even I should be able to do rice-a-roni, right? Not so fast! She gets done cooking the meal, again using her "look at it" method to make sure it will taste good. She spoons up some of the triple batch of rice-a-roni ("serves 4" just doesn't do us much good anymore). She let's it glop from the spoon back down to the pan. She looks at me and offers up a typical pre-meal comment, "This looks horrible!" I tell you, the woman absolutely inspires confidence:) But in this case, I have to agree with her. It looks more like Mexican rice stew than Mexican rice. We all sit down to eat. With another pessimistic remark, she prepares the kids for the worst. I get a lot of skeptical looks as I dish everyone up a small spoonful. As we start to eat, nobody says much. Finally, I make a comment: "Well, it's pretty bland. But at least it's crunchy." Like I say, her misses are few and far between, but this was definitely one of them.

The next morning I was cleaning up the kitchen after making seven lunches. I noticed 3 unused oatmeal packets sitting on the counter. Not an unusual occurance after breakfast in our house. I picked them up, but noticed that they had no labeling on them and must not be oatmeal. I looked at them for a moment, confused. I took them in to Christi and asked, "Honey, do you know what these are?" She looked at them for a second, got a goofy grin on her face, and replied, "I guess now we know why the rice-a-roni was so bland..."

-Jer

PS. Either Christi and I have a fantastic relationship or I am going to have my blogging privileges suspended for a long time. Perhaps I should ask her before I publish a post that knocks her culinary skills. Naw...I've "looked at it" and it seems fine to me:)

Christi's Christian Home for Stray Kids and Animals...

Remember Patti? The lost dog who infiltrated our home about 3 weeks ago? In 13 years of marriage, that was the first time we've ever had a stray show up on our doorstep. Yesterday morning about 7am I was making lunches in the kitchen. Lexi, sitting on the living room floor hollers out, "Where's that cat?" I listen closely for a minute and sure enough, I hear a cat meowing. I open the front door, and there's a young cat looking plaintively up at me from the bottom of our front stairs.

What's a guy to do? I've never been one to hide my feelings about cats. I've toned down my rhetoric a bit now that I have children (including one Princess Jesi whose favorite animals are cats), but I still don't hesitate to say that I strongly dislike the creatures. I'm very allergic to them. Their aloofness, even haughtiness, is in direct contrast to the goofy adoration a good dog will show his owner. But here is a cat on a chilly morning, clearly wanting some shelter. So I let her in. (No idea whether it was a he or she, but Jesi insisted it was a girl.) Christi tried a bowl of milk, which the cat ignored. Christi then tried a bowl of cold, leftover scrambled eggs and turkey, which the cat again ignored (can't say I blame the poor thing...what were you thinking on that one, sweetie?).

The cat then explored the house and headed to the basement. A couple minutes later Parker bolts up the stairs and said, "Did you know there's a cat in the house? And it's drinking out of the toilet!" Christi quickly put out a bowl of water, which was eagerly accepted.

We didn't keep this stray very long. After she had something to drink, the cat wanted to go outside again. It had warmed up considerably, so Christi let her out and she didn't come back. The kids think this is a sign that we are supposed to get a pet. I'm not so sure. But if a guinea pig shows up next week...

-Jer

Someday

Dear Sophi is such a trooper! She is independent and works hard to do everything by herself. She loves to help and will carry things in her mouth or between her chin and her shoulder. She gets up and down stairs by herself. She is so precious. She rarely ever shows sadness about her missing arms. In fact, she usually is quite content with "feet-hands" and "leg-arms" as she calls them. Her usually cheerful attitude made this exchange all the more poignant:

Sophi had a roll of Smarties candy. She tried and tried to open it with her toes, but just couldn't figure it out. Suddenly she just went to pieces. She sobbed and sobbed and was so distraught. I held her and rocked her in our easy chair. I opened the Smarties and she ate them with her "toe-fingers". Once she calmed down, I helped her out of my lap and held out the wrapper to her. "Here Sophi," I said. "Go throw this away." She looked at me with hauntingly sad little eyes and said, "I can't. I no have arms."

Oh, sweet Sophi. I am so sorry. You have some challenging days ahead of you. Fortunately, you have an indomitable spirit. You rebounded quickly from this experience and will do so with more tough experiences in the future. I am so grateful for a personal witness that Jesus Christ is our Lord. That through him, someday, you will be able to look into my eyes and say, "I can do it, Daddy. I have arms!" I love you, Soph.

-Dad

0 to 60...

We have been married for almost 14 years. For over 13 of those years we fought the silent battle of "who's getting up with the kids?!?" The one where we both lie there in bed, pretending to be asleep, waiting for the other person to respond to the crying (screaming?!) child. The one where Christi scolds me in the morning for being lazy and I insist I was asleep the whole time and she says, "I heard your breathing change!" That game.

Then, about 2 months ago, we got a clue. We switch nights! Every other night one of us is responsible to get up with the kids. That poor sap has to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door. The other lucky person sleeps soundly on the other side where she kicks the guy whose turn it is to wake up. We've even got it down to where we switch off weekend mornings to sleep in. Now that our church has moved to a 1pm start time, we get two glorious weekend mornings. How sweet it is.

The whole point of this is to share with you Sophi's method of waking up. This applies in the middle of the night as well as in the morning. Most kids fuss a little, toss and turn as they start to make some noise. Sophi goes from 0 to 60 in 0 seconds. One moment, the house is bathed in glorious, sleeping silence. The next moment a 120 decibel siren goes off down the hall. There is no pretending to be asleep through Sophi waking up. And yet somehow, Christi still finds reason to kick me...;)

-Jer

The kind of things that make me smile...

(made from cheese, turkey, and duct tape)

Recent letters from Jessica

Dear Mom
I want to change the wall and make my room filled with princesses inside it. My three reasons are I want it that way because... I need a baby Cinderella doll so I can practice with her to baby sit a real baby when I grow up. And my second reason is because I want some princess makup because I would use it wicely. (wisely) My third reason is... I want a princess dress so I can use it for an immergncy like to go to the princess festival. Love: Jessica

Dear Mom,
I love you! You are a good great mom to me. You are very very helpful. You are a creatve mom. In fact you are the best mom in the hole wide world. You stay awsome and stay fashionble to.
Love: Jessica Anne Green

It's a Bird...

This morning Lexi developed a super hero alter-ego. She wanders around the living room saying "I Blind Girl! I in the sky! Dad, you can call me Blind Girl! Hey everyone, you can call me Blind Girl!" In theory, this is great. Lex has embraced her disability and turned it into a positive way to face the world and it's challenges. On the other hand, I can't wait until I'm overheard at the park saying "come on Jess, come on Xander, come on blind girl, it's time to go home..."

-Jer

Elli's Antics

Elli, Elli, Elli...

What are we going to do with her?

Anyone who has a child with severe autism knows what a rollercoaster ride it can be. Elli can go from laughing to screaming to singing to screaming to quiet to screaming (are you getting the theme here?) for no apparent reason. For the past few months, the screaming and sadness seemed to be the overriding emotion and it was becoming extremely difficult for everyone. We decided to start her on some meds to try to stabilize her moods a bit.

Results were quick! We felt like we had our Elli back. She became more verbal and sweet and happy. Along with that came a whole new Elli.

We call her Miss Mischievous.

Elli's newfound energy and contentment (which, by the way, is by no means constant-- she still knows how to scream, but overall it is much less) has been channeled into wreaking havoc upon our home. In any given 5 minutes, she can destroy an entire room. Whereas before she would tend to stay in one area for long periods of time, playing with her music toys, she now roams the house constantly, exploring and making messes. One of her favorite new things to do is to go into the bathroom, climb in the tub fully clothed, and turn on the shower. This was funny perhaps the first couple of times it happened, but quickly got very old. After several stints in the shower, Jeremy purchased the "childproof" plastic doorknob covers to put on the bathrooms. It helped for approximately one and a half weeks. Yesterday we were out at parent teacher conferences all afternoon and left most of the kids home with Taylor and Parker.

Speaking of parent teacher conferences, we visited with over 20 teachers. Eight kids and two in junior high make for a lot of visits!

But back to Elli. We got a phone call from Taylor that went something like this, "Dad, Elli found out how to open the bathroom doors and went into the shower again."

"Oh, I'm sure someone just left it open."

"That's what we thought the first time, but it's happened twice now. She knows how to pull apart the plastic on the covers and can get in. She's showered twice."

Seriously, what are we going to do with her? The other day she went in Jeremy's office for a few minutes and managed to create a huge mess that had Jeremy pulling his hair out. When I went to get her the other morning, she had pulled off the closet door in her room and was sliding down it. She's broken the piano bench and ping pong table. She tears pictures off the wall, "clears" off the kitchen table, pulls all of the blankets and sheets off beds, and every other thing you can think of.

Whatever you're envisioning, it's worse. I'm actually very worried to find out what she's doing this very moment! But believe it or not, it's better than the constant screaming. She seems happier most of the time. So I'm not sure what to do! It's impossible to watch her every minute of the day. She's kind of acting like a one year old, but can do so much more damage because of her size and strength.

One thing that has come to mind is getting her more musical toys. She has a TON already, but she plays with them constantly, so the novelty can wear off. Every time we get her something new, it provides hours and hours of mess-free Elli. But it kills the budget. So... if any of you readers out there happen to live in my neighborhood and have musical toys that would just go to the DI, PLEASE ask if we have them, and if not, send them on over here! You could be saving an entire house from utter destruction! (:

I'm not even kidding.

We do love you, Elli! It's fun to see you come alive. (: